Here's some thoughts and stuffs i've learnt this week:
1) If i donno what to do, DONT DO ANYTHING. Step back and relax. Let time decide what will happen next.
2) If i regret of doing something, CRY HARD! It is the best cure of all time.
3) There is still at least ONE PERSON who wants to see me smile.
4) If my father says "come home", DO COME HOME. Or i'll lost / miss place another RM400 of my newly withdraw cash when i stomp out of the bank, pissing of my dad who cant stop pestering me to come home (darn, still cant find it!)
5) Ramadhan is near. GET READY and try to be a good muslim. Repent of all sins.
6) Dont ever forget SUFFIAN'S BIRTHDAY. Driving at 7:30am on Sunday morning to meet him without handling him his becoming birthday present is so stupid.
7) It's October again and "LET ME FALL" (by Bethany Joy Lenz)
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from...?
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I've become much too good at being invincible
I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool
But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me...
I wanna be somebody
I, I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody
I, I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I've been running from..
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Incomplete
Seems like this blog has been a monthly dossage for me. My current life has been a hard game. It is as if someone has given me a jigsaw puzzle and removed some pieces of it, and still expects me to form the coherent whole.
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I don't mean to drag it on,
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I don't mean to drag it on,
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)
Saturday, August 27, 2005
My News At-work
Tak perlu betulkan tempat duduk anda. Ya, betul. Blog ini masih lagi bernyawa, masih lagi hidup, sehidup tuan yang empunyanya.
Mulai bulan lalu saya terpaksa memandu 64km setiap pagi ke tempat kerja. Biasanya akan mengambil masa selama 45 minit ke satu jam, bergantung pada laluan trafik waktu itu. Seawal 7:00 pagi sudah mula memanas enjin kereta dan vroom.. ke tempat kerja.
Satu yang buat saya selalu sakit jiwa adalah kerana dalam perjalanan itu saya takkan sunyi dengan lori-lori hantu dan toyol yang membawa muatan pasir dan batu kerikil. Sungguh kasihan kereta saya, sekali-sekala terkena juga batu kerikil yang berhamburan dari lori yang lajunya mengalahkan Barrichello. Sungguh saya sakit jiwa, rasa mahu mati. Sekali lori-lori hantu dan toyol ini berlalu, terus-terusan berkumpulan. Sudahlah jalannya macam ular kena palu!
Kalau lori-lori hantu dan toyol ini buat saya rasa mahu mati, kalau si backhoe ada di depan pula buat saya mahu bunuh diri. Bayangkan saya cuma boleh bergerak 20km sejam! Paling indah nian bila si backhoe Quasibodoh ini juga jalan bergroup-groupan. Saya rasa malu pada biawak dan monyet di sepanjang jalan!
Senario yang sama saya akan hadapi juga dalam perjalanan pulang. Sungguh 128km yang sangat menyeksakan. Sampai sahaja di rumah, biasanya hari sudah pun beransur malam. Perut sudah mula menyanyi minta diisi, dan sudahnya pukul 10 malam mata sudah layu keletihan. Esoknya pukul 5:30 pagi sudah mahu bersedia lagi untuk perjalanan saya yang kejam. Internet, blogspot, e-sastera dan e-mail sudah pun hilang taringnya.
Walau bukan sepenuhnya kerana perjalanan ke tempat kerja, saya terlalu ingin sekali berhenti kerja. Cari kerja lain. Mahu tinggalkan kerja yang saya telah buat lebih 3 tahun ini. Mahu buat kerja yang lain. Kawan saya kata saya sudah gila. Mahu cari kerja lain walau kerja sekarang sudah boleh menjamin hidup sampai pencen. Tapi saya masih mahu cari kerja lain, yang lebih saya jiwai (cehhh.. piiirah!). Sesiapa boleh bagi saya kerja kosong? Gaji boleh runding. Cukup makan, pakai, sewa rumah dan ansuran kereta sudahlah. Kerja jadi housewife ke? Hahahha...
Mulai bulan lalu saya terpaksa memandu 64km setiap pagi ke tempat kerja. Biasanya akan mengambil masa selama 45 minit ke satu jam, bergantung pada laluan trafik waktu itu. Seawal 7:00 pagi sudah mula memanas enjin kereta dan vroom.. ke tempat kerja.
Satu yang buat saya selalu sakit jiwa adalah kerana dalam perjalanan itu saya takkan sunyi dengan lori-lori hantu dan toyol yang membawa muatan pasir dan batu kerikil. Sungguh kasihan kereta saya, sekali-sekala terkena juga batu kerikil yang berhamburan dari lori yang lajunya mengalahkan Barrichello. Sungguh saya sakit jiwa, rasa mahu mati. Sekali lori-lori hantu dan toyol ini berlalu, terus-terusan berkumpulan. Sudahlah jalannya macam ular kena palu!
Kalau lori-lori hantu dan toyol ini buat saya rasa mahu mati, kalau si backhoe ada di depan pula buat saya mahu bunuh diri. Bayangkan saya cuma boleh bergerak 20km sejam! Paling indah nian bila si backhoe Quasibodoh ini juga jalan bergroup-groupan. Saya rasa malu pada biawak dan monyet di sepanjang jalan!
Senario yang sama saya akan hadapi juga dalam perjalanan pulang. Sungguh 128km yang sangat menyeksakan. Sampai sahaja di rumah, biasanya hari sudah pun beransur malam. Perut sudah mula menyanyi minta diisi, dan sudahnya pukul 10 malam mata sudah layu keletihan. Esoknya pukul 5:30 pagi sudah mahu bersedia lagi untuk perjalanan saya yang kejam. Internet, blogspot, e-sastera dan e-mail sudah pun hilang taringnya.
Walau bukan sepenuhnya kerana perjalanan ke tempat kerja, saya terlalu ingin sekali berhenti kerja. Cari kerja lain. Mahu tinggalkan kerja yang saya telah buat lebih 3 tahun ini. Mahu buat kerja yang lain. Kawan saya kata saya sudah gila. Mahu cari kerja lain walau kerja sekarang sudah boleh menjamin hidup sampai pencen. Tapi saya masih mahu cari kerja lain, yang lebih saya jiwai (cehhh.. piiirah!). Sesiapa boleh bagi saya kerja kosong? Gaji boleh runding. Cukup makan, pakai, sewa rumah dan ansuran kereta sudahlah. Kerja jadi housewife ke? Hahahha...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Space
I really wanted to say something.. but i dont know what.
It's better to leave this 'something' unspoken.
MAYBE!
It's better to leave this 'something' unspoken.
MAYBE!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Perihal En. Demam
Dah lama blog ni senyap sunyi tak terupdate rupanya. Blog siapalah ni? hehehe..
Tiga - empat hari yang lalu En. Demam datang menjenguk saya lagi, dan sempena kedatangannya itu, saya terpaksa cuti beberapa hari. Bukan macam kedatangan yg lepas, kali ini dia tak bawa En. Batuk dan Cik Selesema sekali, yang dia bawa cuma En. Tonsilitis. Saya rasa En. Ton ini lagi buruk perangainya dari En. Batuk dan Cik Selesema. Saya amat meradang dengan En. Ton sampai suara saya pun dah macam rock star.
Saya bukannya apa, kalau dulu-dulu En. Demam datang mungkin bukan satu kesukaran bagi saya, tapi sekarang setelah saya dewasa, saya dah amat tak suka dengan En. Demam lagi. Dulu, kalau En. Demam datang dan pada masa itu mak ayah saya ada, saya sangat suka. Kalau saya nak sup, mak saya buatkan, kalau saya nak jeli, mak saya belikan, kalau saya nak suap, mak saya suapkan. Ayah saya pulak, akan duduk sebelah saya. Dia urutkan kaki saya, urutkan tangan saya, urutkan kepala saya, sampai tertidur. Kalau saya yang tertidur, dia berhentilah. Tapi kalau dia yang tertidur, saya gerakkan badan saya supaya dia terjaga dah urut badan saya semula.
Kadang-kadang kalau En. Demam datang, dia bawa sekali Pn. Muntah. Dalam keluarga saya, memang Pn. Muntah suka sekali dengan saya, tapi saya tak suka dia. Kakak dan adik saya selalu gaduh-gaduh siapa yang kena basuh kalau saya termuntah atas tilam, atas cadar, atas selimut. Saya tak sengaja, saya tak tahan. Kalau mak ayah saya tak ada, kakak saya suka suruh saya duduk dekat dengan tingkap bilik atau dekat dengan toilet, nanti dia tak payahlah nak gaduh-gaduh dengan adik siapa yang nak kena basuh.
Dulu kalau En. Demam datang, mak ayah saya bawa saya ke klinik, kena cucuk sekali kat punggung dan doktor bagi ubat warna warni. Saya suka ubat yang Dr. Fakharuddin bagi, manis macam gula-gula, tak macam ubat Dr. Nagiah, tak sedap, pahit, kelat, yuckk! Ubat Dr. Nagiah selalunya saya buang ke tingkap je. Tapi ada satu masa tu mak saya perasan, terus dia marah saya. Dia membebel kata "macam mana nak sihat kalau tak nak makan ubat?". Dia tak tahu saya memang tak nak baik sebab tak payah pegi sekolah dah dapat kena urut dengan ayah. Lepas tu saya tukar taktik, saya sorokkan ubat bawah tilam. Bila saya sihat nanti saya buanglah!
Satu lagi yang seronoknya kalau En. Demam datang dulu-dulu, atuk saya kadang-kadang datnag melawat. Atuk saya pandai mengubat saya. Dia pun pandai mengubat orang lain, tak hairanlah! Dia bukan bagi ubat macam Dr. Fakharuddin atau Dr. Nagiah, dia cuma buatkan air yang dia dah baca-baca lepas sembahyang. Kalau dia tak dapat datang pun, mak akan bagi saya kain pelikat atuk. Nanti saya peluk-peluk kain tu, letak atas kepala, buat selimut. Kakak dan adik saya kalau dilawati En. Demam pun guna kain pelikat atuk. Sekarang saya pun tak tahu kat mana mak simpan kain pelikat atuk. Nanti kejap lagi saya tanya dia.
Sekarang, masa mengetuk key-board ni, suhu badan saya (seperti ditunjukkan thermometer) masih lagi 37.8 darjah Celcius. En. Demam belum betul-betul pergi lagi. Oklah, saya nak tidur di surau!
Tiga - empat hari yang lalu En. Demam datang menjenguk saya lagi, dan sempena kedatangannya itu, saya terpaksa cuti beberapa hari. Bukan macam kedatangan yg lepas, kali ini dia tak bawa En. Batuk dan Cik Selesema sekali, yang dia bawa cuma En. Tonsilitis. Saya rasa En. Ton ini lagi buruk perangainya dari En. Batuk dan Cik Selesema. Saya amat meradang dengan En. Ton sampai suara saya pun dah macam rock star.
Saya bukannya apa, kalau dulu-dulu En. Demam datang mungkin bukan satu kesukaran bagi saya, tapi sekarang setelah saya dewasa, saya dah amat tak suka dengan En. Demam lagi. Dulu, kalau En. Demam datang dan pada masa itu mak ayah saya ada, saya sangat suka. Kalau saya nak sup, mak saya buatkan, kalau saya nak jeli, mak saya belikan, kalau saya nak suap, mak saya suapkan. Ayah saya pulak, akan duduk sebelah saya. Dia urutkan kaki saya, urutkan tangan saya, urutkan kepala saya, sampai tertidur. Kalau saya yang tertidur, dia berhentilah. Tapi kalau dia yang tertidur, saya gerakkan badan saya supaya dia terjaga dah urut badan saya semula.
Kadang-kadang kalau En. Demam datang, dia bawa sekali Pn. Muntah. Dalam keluarga saya, memang Pn. Muntah suka sekali dengan saya, tapi saya tak suka dia. Kakak dan adik saya selalu gaduh-gaduh siapa yang kena basuh kalau saya termuntah atas tilam, atas cadar, atas selimut. Saya tak sengaja, saya tak tahan. Kalau mak ayah saya tak ada, kakak saya suka suruh saya duduk dekat dengan tingkap bilik atau dekat dengan toilet, nanti dia tak payahlah nak gaduh-gaduh dengan adik siapa yang nak kena basuh.
Dulu kalau En. Demam datang, mak ayah saya bawa saya ke klinik, kena cucuk sekali kat punggung dan doktor bagi ubat warna warni. Saya suka ubat yang Dr. Fakharuddin bagi, manis macam gula-gula, tak macam ubat Dr. Nagiah, tak sedap, pahit, kelat, yuckk! Ubat Dr. Nagiah selalunya saya buang ke tingkap je. Tapi ada satu masa tu mak saya perasan, terus dia marah saya. Dia membebel kata "macam mana nak sihat kalau tak nak makan ubat?". Dia tak tahu saya memang tak nak baik sebab tak payah pegi sekolah dah dapat kena urut dengan ayah. Lepas tu saya tukar taktik, saya sorokkan ubat bawah tilam. Bila saya sihat nanti saya buanglah!
Satu lagi yang seronoknya kalau En. Demam datang dulu-dulu, atuk saya kadang-kadang datnag melawat. Atuk saya pandai mengubat saya. Dia pun pandai mengubat orang lain, tak hairanlah! Dia bukan bagi ubat macam Dr. Fakharuddin atau Dr. Nagiah, dia cuma buatkan air yang dia dah baca-baca lepas sembahyang. Kalau dia tak dapat datang pun, mak akan bagi saya kain pelikat atuk. Nanti saya peluk-peluk kain tu, letak atas kepala, buat selimut. Kakak dan adik saya kalau dilawati En. Demam pun guna kain pelikat atuk. Sekarang saya pun tak tahu kat mana mak simpan kain pelikat atuk. Nanti kejap lagi saya tanya dia.
Sekarang, masa mengetuk key-board ni, suhu badan saya (seperti ditunjukkan thermometer) masih lagi 37.8 darjah Celcius. En. Demam belum betul-betul pergi lagi. Oklah, saya nak tidur di surau!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Pathetic
Aku rasa nak menangis sekarang. Aku nak menjerit. Aku nak baring atas rumput hijau dan melihat bintang berkerlipan di dada langit malam. Aku nak lari, jauh dari sini.
Pathetic.
Kalau engkau dengar apa yang aku rintihkan sekarang, engkau fahamkah? Engkau ambil kisahkah? Engkau pedulikah? Kalau engkau sempat dengar butir bicara aku sebelum gagang kau letakkan, engkau ambil pusingkah?
Pathetic.
Sungguh memalukan perkara ini untuk makhluk seusia aku. Jurnal yang tak bersalah ini jadi gelanggang aku menyepah kata duka aku pada engkau. Semua orang baca dan tahu. Engkau tak. Kalau pun engkau baca dan tahu, engkau mahu ambil pusingkah?
Selalu aku kata dan kotakan yang kau takkan seorang dalam segala apa keadaan pun. Dan kerana janji itu, aku bersedia dari segala hal, dalam setiap masa, di mana pun juga untuk engkau. Dan kerana janji itu juga, separuh hidup aku hampir semuanya untuk engkau. Engkau ambil pusingkah?
Pathetic.
Dan bila kesumat itu datang sekali sekala, aku terlalu ingin nak jadi manusia kejam untuk engkau. Aku teramat sangat ingin melihat engkau menangis seorang, merajuk seorang dan bersedih dengan diri engkau sahaja. Tapi aku tak mampu. Kerana janji itu.
Pathetic.
Engkau tak ambil pusing kan? Dan mungkin juga perasaan ini datang sebab aku kurang baca Al-Quran.. Harap akulah.
Pathetic.
Kalau engkau dengar apa yang aku rintihkan sekarang, engkau fahamkah? Engkau ambil kisahkah? Engkau pedulikah? Kalau engkau sempat dengar butir bicara aku sebelum gagang kau letakkan, engkau ambil pusingkah?
Pathetic.
Sungguh memalukan perkara ini untuk makhluk seusia aku. Jurnal yang tak bersalah ini jadi gelanggang aku menyepah kata duka aku pada engkau. Semua orang baca dan tahu. Engkau tak. Kalau pun engkau baca dan tahu, engkau mahu ambil pusingkah?
Selalu aku kata dan kotakan yang kau takkan seorang dalam segala apa keadaan pun. Dan kerana janji itu, aku bersedia dari segala hal, dalam setiap masa, di mana pun juga untuk engkau. Dan kerana janji itu juga, separuh hidup aku hampir semuanya untuk engkau. Engkau ambil pusingkah?
Pathetic.
Dan bila kesumat itu datang sekali sekala, aku terlalu ingin nak jadi manusia kejam untuk engkau. Aku teramat sangat ingin melihat engkau menangis seorang, merajuk seorang dan bersedih dengan diri engkau sahaja. Tapi aku tak mampu. Kerana janji itu.
Pathetic.
Engkau tak ambil pusing kan? Dan mungkin juga perasaan ini datang sebab aku kurang baca Al-Quran.. Harap akulah.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Prolog setengah tahun
Sedar tak sedar, tahun 2005 sudah tinggal separuh. Kalau main bola sepak, separuh masa pertama cuma dihabiskan untuk membasahkan baju. Separuh masa ke dua baru pulun habis-habisan, mati-matian. Tak ada injury time, tak ada penalty kick. Aku belum berjaya jaringkan gol; ada defender yang bagus, goal keeper tinggi lampai, lawan yang kuat mengasak.
Sayangnya aku tak perasan rupanya aku main sorang diri dalam permainan ni.
Sekarang bukan masanya nak menangguh-nangguh perkara kebajikan, bukan masanya nak melengah-lengahkan kebaikan, bukan masanya nak bermalas-malasan. Tak boleh lagi merasa dengan otak dan berfikir dengan hati. Bukan juga masanya nak meletak ilham jiwa di kepala lutut. Bosan dan fed-up juga tak boleh digunakan sebagai kata harian.
Sayangnya aku tak perasan rupanya.. rupanya.. resam minyak tetap minyak, resam air tetap air.
Sayangnya aku tak perasan rupanya aku main sorang diri dalam permainan ni.
Sekarang bukan masanya nak menangguh-nangguh perkara kebajikan, bukan masanya nak melengah-lengahkan kebaikan, bukan masanya nak bermalas-malasan. Tak boleh lagi merasa dengan otak dan berfikir dengan hati. Bukan juga masanya nak meletak ilham jiwa di kepala lutut. Bosan dan fed-up juga tak boleh digunakan sebagai kata harian.
Sayangnya aku tak perasan rupanya.. rupanya.. resam minyak tetap minyak, resam air tetap air.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Epitaph
A quiet room. Dark. Light shaped by some strikes outside. Stinging and hurting my sight. I didn’t move an inch. Not from the second i came to the window. It was very dark in and out the frozen window.
The window was unlocked, faintly ajar. The curtains waived raucously. Huge heavy plunks of rain drops rushed in. I watched the rain behind the frozen window. It was a crazy storm outside. Lightning strokes and brawled and paused. There was a bird lodged by the window for some shed.
I pulled the window hard. It closed eventually. I checked the room in a glance. Emphatically didn’t miss a thing. The tv set. The crowded table. The wet carpet. The darkness. The silence.
I was all alone in my apartment. A total absence of everything. No human being. No affection. And i was afraid penetrated to the emptiness of life just like this. I could feel the fears collided toward me. Drawing nearer every moment. That so many dark sorrows came bustling through all directions. I stood still.
I fear being alone and left unnoticed. As like only death can do this. Die and rot. Rot and vanish. I fear independency and fragility. I fear being invisible to the world. And that nobody sees me for real. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I fear loneliness a lot.
And now, if that stormy day comes and i could hear your soothing voice asking me again. Of what the most terrifying thing i won’t be attend to, it would be this loneliness. Created by the silence and stillness of being alone. Of being with nobody mentally and physically. Of the wide width between me and the outer world.
And if we can go back to the storm and you ask me the same question again. I would say that i fear losing you. Even that i did loose you subsequently. You did fade away before that storm stoped.
The window was unlocked, faintly ajar. The curtains waived raucously. Huge heavy plunks of rain drops rushed in. I watched the rain behind the frozen window. It was a crazy storm outside. Lightning strokes and brawled and paused. There was a bird lodged by the window for some shed.
I pulled the window hard. It closed eventually. I checked the room in a glance. Emphatically didn’t miss a thing. The tv set. The crowded table. The wet carpet. The darkness. The silence.
I was all alone in my apartment. A total absence of everything. No human being. No affection. And i was afraid penetrated to the emptiness of life just like this. I could feel the fears collided toward me. Drawing nearer every moment. That so many dark sorrows came bustling through all directions. I stood still.
I fear being alone and left unnoticed. As like only death can do this. Die and rot. Rot and vanish. I fear independency and fragility. I fear being invisible to the world. And that nobody sees me for real. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I fear loneliness a lot.
And now, if that stormy day comes and i could hear your soothing voice asking me again. Of what the most terrifying thing i won’t be attend to, it would be this loneliness. Created by the silence and stillness of being alone. Of being with nobody mentally and physically. Of the wide width between me and the outer world.
And if we can go back to the storm and you ask me the same question again. I would say that i fear losing you. Even that i did loose you subsequently. You did fade away before that storm stoped.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Hello, i'm Muadz
Isn't he cute? Notice his Einsteinish look! Meminjam gambar anak Kak Fathean buat penyeri bloggie. Ini haiku untuk Muadz sayang, auntie loves you!
Kudup berkembang
Berseri senyum manja
Si comel girang
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Unforgettable Istanpool
Why Liverpool should win the game:
1) Look what they did to Chelsea. Why not Milan.
2) They can't defend the trophy for the next season.
3) The team's development in Champions League doing fine, even better than all other top sides.
4) Rafa and Stevie G is just superb for the cup.
5) No serious injuries to the players. The tops are in the game.
6) The trophy should be home after some decades.
7) I want it that way. hehe..
Bottomline: THEY DID IT! Yaaayyy!!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Wouldn't it be nice?
Aboutastro gave me this:
Now on Wednesday lectures can turn people off and you yourself are not in the mood to have others tell you what is right or wrong with your world. Try focusing instead on creating a romantic relationship with someone who is very important to you at this time. This is an ideal time to heal a relationship or start a new one with amazing joy. Venus interacts with Mars to bring passion and pleasure to your day and the current Lunar Phase adds a little spice with a dose of mystery.
I wish it would be that easy, hehe. Listenting to this at the moment.
Now on Wednesday lectures can turn people off and you yourself are not in the mood to have others tell you what is right or wrong with your world. Try focusing instead on creating a romantic relationship with someone who is very important to you at this time. This is an ideal time to heal a relationship or start a new one with amazing joy. Venus interacts with Mars to bring passion and pleasure to your day and the current Lunar Phase adds a little spice with a dose of mystery.
I wish it would be that easy, hehe. Listenting to this at the moment.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Skin issue
Dear Dr. Jen How
I have no idea of what caused it, but i tend to get bloody lazy feeling of going to the clinic. I'm not phobic. Hyper-chondriac, maybe!
I had been diagnosed of having contact dermatitis few years back, but for almost a month now, i have really (at least to me) strange skin issues. I have mild red spots on my face, itching and burning sensation especially on the cheeks. I thought it is the same dermatitis, so i am giving myself a topical treatments that i've used before; Corticosteroids - Hydrocortisone cream 1.0%. Since then a multitude of things that I was never allergic to before, make my skin react. From mild itching and burning, it become painful.
So, my second thought said that there is a possibility all of this being a fungal infection since i am using non-allergy detergents, non-allergy pillows and bedding, not changing cosmetics (do i have any cosmetic product? hmmm..) and i do not have any pets make no sense that it is contact dermatitis. After diagnosing myself as having tinea versicolour (i know it worse than dermatitis, but i think it is managable) i used dundruff shampoo which have 1% selenium sulfide to treat the spots. I applied it at bedtime, left it overnight and wash it off in the morning. It is a 'success', it become more swollen, red and painful.
Pardon me for my lack knowledge on medicine and i know i make more harm to myself. What should i do now? If this happens due to the 'batsu' thingy, i surrender je lah. So.. Jen How, i'm all yours now. Hyper-chondriac, no more.
I have no idea of what caused it, but i tend to get bloody lazy feeling of going to the clinic. I'm not phobic. Hyper-chondriac, maybe!
I had been diagnosed of having contact dermatitis few years back, but for almost a month now, i have really (at least to me) strange skin issues. I have mild red spots on my face, itching and burning sensation especially on the cheeks. I thought it is the same dermatitis, so i am giving myself a topical treatments that i've used before; Corticosteroids - Hydrocortisone cream 1.0%. Since then a multitude of things that I was never allergic to before, make my skin react. From mild itching and burning, it become painful.
So, my second thought said that there is a possibility all of this being a fungal infection since i am using non-allergy detergents, non-allergy pillows and bedding, not changing cosmetics (do i have any cosmetic product? hmmm..) and i do not have any pets make no sense that it is contact dermatitis. After diagnosing myself as having tinea versicolour (i know it worse than dermatitis, but i think it is managable) i used dundruff shampoo which have 1% selenium sulfide to treat the spots. I applied it at bedtime, left it overnight and wash it off in the morning. It is a 'success', it become more swollen, red and painful.
Pardon me for my lack knowledge on medicine and i know i make more harm to myself. What should i do now? If this happens due to the 'batsu' thingy, i surrender je lah. So.. Jen How, i'm all yours now. Hyper-chondriac, no more.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The cost
Despite Pierce Brosnan's 52nd birthday and Teacher's Day yesterday, it was my 3rd anniversary of working in this company too. Celebrating it, here is how many hour i really work annualy and how much this company had paid me for an hour.
1) From the total 356 days a year, Sundays and odd Saturdays are excepted, counted as 78 days. Total days left are 287.
2) Annual leaves i take in average are 15 days per year, plus 15 days for national holidays. So, 287 - 15 - 15 = 257 days left.
3) Working time is about 8 hours a day, and that means i work 2,056 hours a year; 257 x 8 = 2,056.
4) One hour everyday goes to surfing the internet, games, blogging and chatting, means 257 hours. Total hour left = 1,799.
5) One hour goes to meals (lunch break & breakfast), means 257 hours used. Total hour left = 1,542.
6) Another one hour goes to talking, joking around and socializing, means another 257 hours wasted. Total hour left = 1,285.
7) This university offered 3 semesters yearly, and i dont have any classes or labs for the total 7 weeks short semester. So, 1,005 hours left; 7 weeks x 5 days x 8 hours = 280 hours.
8) From the total 1,005 hours, or 42 days of work annualy, they paid me RM 26.27 (USD6.60) for an hour! Lumayan sih!
1) From the total 356 days a year, Sundays and odd Saturdays are excepted, counted as 78 days. Total days left are 287.
2) Annual leaves i take in average are 15 days per year, plus 15 days for national holidays. So, 287 - 15 - 15 = 257 days left.
3) Working time is about 8 hours a day, and that means i work 2,056 hours a year; 257 x 8 = 2,056.
4) One hour everyday goes to surfing the internet, games, blogging and chatting, means 257 hours. Total hour left = 1,799.
5) One hour goes to meals (lunch break & breakfast), means 257 hours used. Total hour left = 1,542.
6) Another one hour goes to talking, joking around and socializing, means another 257 hours wasted. Total hour left = 1,285.
7) This university offered 3 semesters yearly, and i dont have any classes or labs for the total 7 weeks short semester. So, 1,005 hours left; 7 weeks x 5 days x 8 hours = 280 hours.
8) From the total 1,005 hours, or 42 days of work annualy, they paid me RM 26.27 (USD6.60) for an hour! Lumayan sih!
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Pump
The hiccups have already begun. Third time of the year.
Someone said that BN is now "Barang Naik". Oil companies of the world are now rationing the amount of gasoline they send to terminals as refineries struggle to make enough of the different specialty. Many industry analysts agree that rationing at the petrol terminals could easily lead to shortages of gas at the pump stations. There is nothing the average consumer can do right now. As long as consumers need to drive, they will continue to pay the prices at the pump.
What can we consumers do actually? Boycotts? Protests? No,jog to the office. Yeah, rite!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Footie lagi
When I wait for a football match, i spent a lot of my time dreaming about great goals. The word football sticks my eyes tighter to the screen than lovers grip (i do not like hectic stadium or mamak stall anymore guys, sorry!). But i don't believe that football is the greatest experience on earth. I don't even believe that football is the best game on earth. I've done something to forsake football. I've studied the rules and news, bought some megazines, jerseys; England's, MU's, Liverpool's and Barcelona's. Football's pull on my heart runs deep. It is my third love, after God and family. Though I tried to believe that the cliche wasn't true, it is. You'll never forget your loves, not even can try to avoid or ignore it. I'm not a die hard fan. For me, it's not the players and not the clubs. It's the game.
So, sorry BOSS. I may come a little bit late when the competition runs. Anyway, despite that controversial goal, Liverpool rocks!
So, sorry BOSS. I may come a little bit late when the competition runs. Anyway, despite that controversial goal, Liverpool rocks!
Monday, April 18, 2005
It finally came, i think
Over all my weekend was fine!
Except for the severe pain on my back. On the left rib to be exact. I woke up somewhere around 6 a.m. and the first thing i asked myself when i became concious was why i cant move my torso. And moving seemed too hard. Back pain, muscle spasms. Not that it have come and gotten if i had remember. Not the night before. Not the other day. So, i assumed that it occurs due to my bad sleeping posture, i think. It really hurt that i let my baby sister done all the house work. Kesian Mala.
I did have one interesting superstitious fact on this. I have once offered SA to reassign his back pain to me. So I was sitting there, silently on the red couch, acutely playing a game i 'installed' weeks ago, and making 'good' progress too. I am ok with that.
My bloggie is 1 year now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Except for the severe pain on my back. On the left rib to be exact. I woke up somewhere around 6 a.m. and the first thing i asked myself when i became concious was why i cant move my torso. And moving seemed too hard. Back pain, muscle spasms. Not that it have come and gotten if i had remember. Not the night before. Not the other day. So, i assumed that it occurs due to my bad sleeping posture, i think. It really hurt that i let my baby sister done all the house work. Kesian Mala.
I did have one interesting superstitious fact on this. I have once offered SA to reassign his back pain to me. So I was sitting there, silently on the red couch, acutely playing a game i 'installed' weeks ago, and making 'good' progress too. I am ok with that.
My bloggie is 1 year now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Uncursed
When you smile, I melt inside
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time
I really wish it was only me and you
I'm jealous of everybody in the room
Please don't look at me with those eyes
~First Date~
Exaggerating rite? I know, but i like exaggerating it. REALLY! ;)
Friday, April 08, 2005
Missed me?
"Dan mungkin bila nanti
Kita akan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau cuba
Tanyakan kembali rasa yang kutinggal mati.."
Aku tak tahu sama ada Malaysian Idol, Akademi Fantasia atau Audition. Jiran seberang blok, betul-betul bertentangan tingkap bilik aku akan mula menyanyi melalak-lalak setiap senja. Semalam dia nyanyi lagu "jantan terhangat di pasaran" macam kelmarin dan hari-hari sebelumnya. Ada satu hari yang mulia tu, dia melalak lagi bersama mercun warna-warni pukul 2 pagi. 2 pagi, masa aku tengah dibuai mimpi!
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Jiran depan rumah pulak asyik menyanyi lagu Hindi. Kejap-kejap "kuch kuch hota hai" kejap-kejap "ladja ladja". Mungkin nak join DJ Dave buat album Hindi. Aku rasa kalau dapat aku intai mesti boleh nampak jiran depan rumah menari berguling-guling tukar-tukar baju 5-6 kali.
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Jiran sebelah rumah resistant. Senyap sunyi macam rumah tinggal. Rumah senyap sunyi sangat pun buat aku rasa nak mengintai. Tak ada orang ke? Cuma sekali-sekala terdengar jiran sebelah rumah menjerit "goal!!" sama aku pukul 4 pagi. Mamat WHQ Perdana putih tu ada lagi tak Ezan?
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Aku sudah tak lama lagi bersama jiran-jiran kiri, kanan, depan rumah aku. Nanti kalau aku sudah pindah, aku cuma boleh dengar cengkerik, ayam dan lembu menyanyi. Atau mungkin aku pulak yang akan menyanyi menari macam orang kena epilepsi. Esok aku nak cari rumah baru. Di Batang Berjuntai. Pernah dengar tak?
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Kita akan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau cuba
Tanyakan kembali rasa yang kutinggal mati.."
Aku tak tahu sama ada Malaysian Idol, Akademi Fantasia atau Audition. Jiran seberang blok, betul-betul bertentangan tingkap bilik aku akan mula menyanyi melalak-lalak setiap senja. Semalam dia nyanyi lagu "jantan terhangat di pasaran" macam kelmarin dan hari-hari sebelumnya. Ada satu hari yang mulia tu, dia melalak lagi bersama mercun warna-warni pukul 2 pagi. 2 pagi, masa aku tengah dibuai mimpi!
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Jiran depan rumah pulak asyik menyanyi lagu Hindi. Kejap-kejap "kuch kuch hota hai" kejap-kejap "ladja ladja". Mungkin nak join DJ Dave buat album Hindi. Aku rasa kalau dapat aku intai mesti boleh nampak jiran depan rumah menari berguling-guling tukar-tukar baju 5-6 kali.
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Jiran sebelah rumah resistant. Senyap sunyi macam rumah tinggal. Rumah senyap sunyi sangat pun buat aku rasa nak mengintai. Tak ada orang ke? Cuma sekali-sekala terdengar jiran sebelah rumah menjerit "goal!!" sama aku pukul 4 pagi. Mamat WHQ Perdana putih tu ada lagi tak Ezan?
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Aku sudah tak lama lagi bersama jiran-jiran kiri, kanan, depan rumah aku. Nanti kalau aku sudah pindah, aku cuma boleh dengar cengkerik, ayam dan lembu menyanyi. Atau mungkin aku pulak yang akan menyanyi menari macam orang kena epilepsi. Esok aku nak cari rumah baru. Di Batang Berjuntai. Pernah dengar tak?
Kalau aku kata aku rindukan engkau, engkau percaya tak?
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Footie and me
Remember Euro 2004? The one that i upsetly watch England’s failure to Portugal, and Portugal to Greece? I kept on and on frustrated to the team that i root for. Am i not good enough in predicting? Or is soccer will be better without my prediction? Have i should now stop peeking who won and who loose, what is the score and who scored it? Is it worthy if i support the opposite team to win instead? in hoping that my (yes, mine) real team would win?
Oh, please. Of all reasons, football is a game which i entertain myself by watching a star, a well-known player doing hatricks, tackles, shots and goals. And i do enjoy yelling “goal” 4:00am in the morning as much as the time i grab, cringe and push a pillow to my face when the other team scores.
Forget about Ronaldinho’s nice penalty shot and his magical goal through the tightest space of four blue jerseys. My prediction was false, AGAIN! And tomorrow, yes, I’ll root for Juventus! Sigh!
Oh, please. Of all reasons, football is a game which i entertain myself by watching a star, a well-known player doing hatricks, tackles, shots and goals. And i do enjoy yelling “goal” 4:00am in the morning as much as the time i grab, cringe and push a pillow to my face when the other team scores.
Forget about Ronaldinho’s nice penalty shot and his magical goal through the tightest space of four blue jerseys. My prediction was false, AGAIN! And tomorrow, yes, I’ll root for Juventus! Sigh!
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Al-Fatihah
With tonnes of shock and regret, I am announcing the passing of a student, a student who was very bright, polite, humble and helpful to his friends. His death has jolted me of how mortal and fragile the life is, and it is very real and near to us all.
Al-fatihah; Nazirul Hafiy bin Nor Azmi, 1986-2005
[Updated: 4:25pm]
Tak tahulah kenapa i still cant overcome this feeling, the shock and sadness. Teringat dialog terakhir dengan arwah;
Arwah :Cik boleh saya tengok carry mark saya?
Saya :Saya tak siap lagilah. Kenapa?
Arwah :Nak ready sebelum final.
Saya :Kalau awak, saya jamin boleh dapat 80% from the total mark.
Arwah :Ok ke cik?
Saya :Absolutely. Kalau nanti dalam 5 tahun lagi awak jumpa saya balik, saya gerenti awak dah jadi somebody dah. Dah jadi lebih baik dari saya mungkin.
But there is no 5 years for him, no 5 months, no 5 days either. "Kullu nafsin zaaikatul maut".
Al-fatihah; Nazirul Hafiy bin Nor Azmi, 1986-2005
[Updated: 4:25pm]
Tak tahulah kenapa i still cant overcome this feeling, the shock and sadness. Teringat dialog terakhir dengan arwah;
Arwah :Cik boleh saya tengok carry mark saya?
Saya :Saya tak siap lagilah. Kenapa?
Arwah :Nak ready sebelum final.
Saya :Kalau awak, saya jamin boleh dapat 80% from the total mark.
Arwah :Ok ke cik?
Saya :Absolutely. Kalau nanti dalam 5 tahun lagi awak jumpa saya balik, saya gerenti awak dah jadi somebody dah. Dah jadi lebih baik dari saya mungkin.
But there is no 5 years for him, no 5 months, no 5 days either. "Kullu nafsin zaaikatul maut".
Thursday, March 03, 2005
2nd March
Boleh tak kalau ada satu hari tu kita skip. Kalau kita tak nak 2nd March ada dalam kalender, macam 29 February. Kalau 2nd March tak ada, kira umur kita tak payah bertambah boleh tak? Boleh tak kalau kita tak payah ada birthday? Tak ada hari yg istimewa nak memperingati hari kelahiran kita, biar mak kita je yang ingat hari dia melahirkan kita, boleh tak? Boleh tak macam tu?
Unluckily, tak boleh. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.. semalam!
Friday, February 25, 2005
Hotspots
I do appreciate life, you know. One of my many amusements lies in spotting symptoms of the planet earth and the decline of what is sometimes dangerously called HOTSPOTS. These hotspots are not one like a full-packed hang out place with chunk of great cooked aroma under your nose. I can promise that you dont like it either, do you? Hotspots, no more!
Song at the moment: HIJAU
Song at the moment: HIJAU
Monday, February 21, 2005
Take a break!
You know you need a vacation when:
1) You find yourself thinking the reason of why you need a vacation.
2) You care so much of the weather.
3) You spend your off time thinking of work.
4) Weekend means nothing to you, you even hate it.
5) Most of your colleagues said "you need a break".
6) You answering calls at home using the office greeting.
7) You think that your backpack has worn out.
8) You forgot to queue and cram up to this year's travel fair!
Oh, yes I do.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Yang laut, yang darat
Dia tanya aku lagi. Soalan yang sama, bentuk yang berbeza. Aku tak jawab macam biasa. Atau jawapan aku akan tetap sama.
__________
Dia tanya aku, bila aku mungkin ditukar ke sana. Jawatan itu masih kosong. Boss di sana berkali-kali bertanya pasal aku. Tugas yang banyak sedang menunggu. Boss aku jugak berkali-kali melarang aku ke sana. Big Boss pun bagi larangan yang sama. Surat yang dihantar takkan dilayan! Kalau kau betul-betul tanya aku, aku mahu di sini atau di sana, aku sendiri tak tahu.
Aku boleh tulis surat lagi. Aku boleh bercakap dengan Boss dan Big Boss. Aku boleh buat apa-apa yang kau suruh. Tapi aku sendiri tak tahu. Aku di sini boleh, di sana pun boleh. Passion aku pada Chemistry belum habis, jodoh kami sungguh lama. Aku sendiri tak tahu!
__________
Dia yang lain tanya aku, malam ni aku free tak? Kau tanya lagi, walhal kau tahu jadual malam Isnin aku. Mula dari kau kata keluar makan, kau tukar kepada jalan-jalan, kemudian lagi kau tukar jadi dating dan terakhir sekali, hari ini jadi teman Valentine.
Tapi ada satu benda masih takkan berubah, status kau dan aku. Jauhkan teori enggang-pipit itu. Aku sudah beritahu, kau boleh cari aku lagi lepas kau graduate dari sini, lepas aku tak bertanggung-jawab atas markah dan kelas kau. Aku sangat pasti dengan polisi kau dan aku. Kalau polisi itu tak terlibat sekalipun, mungkin aku masih tak mahu. Jangan tanya aku lagi. Aku jadi serba salah.
__________
Soalan-soalan berulang buat aku jemu. Aku pejam mata sebelah dan buat-buat tak tahu. Dan ketika aku menaip, ada lagu tema didendang dalam otak subconcious aku.. "yang darat balik ke darat, yang laut balik ke laut"
__________
Dia tanya aku, bila aku mungkin ditukar ke sana. Jawatan itu masih kosong. Boss di sana berkali-kali bertanya pasal aku. Tugas yang banyak sedang menunggu. Boss aku jugak berkali-kali melarang aku ke sana. Big Boss pun bagi larangan yang sama. Surat yang dihantar takkan dilayan! Kalau kau betul-betul tanya aku, aku mahu di sini atau di sana, aku sendiri tak tahu.
Aku boleh tulis surat lagi. Aku boleh bercakap dengan Boss dan Big Boss. Aku boleh buat apa-apa yang kau suruh. Tapi aku sendiri tak tahu. Aku di sini boleh, di sana pun boleh. Passion aku pada Chemistry belum habis, jodoh kami sungguh lama. Aku sendiri tak tahu!
__________
Dia yang lain tanya aku, malam ni aku free tak? Kau tanya lagi, walhal kau tahu jadual malam Isnin aku. Mula dari kau kata keluar makan, kau tukar kepada jalan-jalan, kemudian lagi kau tukar jadi dating dan terakhir sekali, hari ini jadi teman Valentine.
Tapi ada satu benda masih takkan berubah, status kau dan aku. Jauhkan teori enggang-pipit itu. Aku sudah beritahu, kau boleh cari aku lagi lepas kau graduate dari sini, lepas aku tak bertanggung-jawab atas markah dan kelas kau. Aku sangat pasti dengan polisi kau dan aku. Kalau polisi itu tak terlibat sekalipun, mungkin aku masih tak mahu. Jangan tanya aku lagi. Aku jadi serba salah.
__________
Soalan-soalan berulang buat aku jemu. Aku pejam mata sebelah dan buat-buat tak tahu. Dan ketika aku menaip, ada lagu tema didendang dalam otak subconcious aku.. "yang darat balik ke darat, yang laut balik ke laut"
Monday, February 07, 2005
Of a course and DR
Got loads of ideas on what to blog but somehow it seems that i got no time to type it down. For so much things had happened, and too much more were forgotten.
Anyway, i went to the Company's obligatory course last weekend, attended by the dean, head of departments and most of the anchors. I was nothing really, but my boss said it was good for my credential and for the naik gaji thingy. It was a small resort that got two huge ponds, and it seem very new and beautiful. I went straight into the room of 4 participants, where we can oversaw the ponds. Only that the water was brownish cloudy, but it was nice nevertheless!
In the course, we were given several tasks, and anyone who did bad will be eliminated. I was overjoyed in the first task, and that i did very well. The next day FSh was voted out. There were 3 of us left. When the physical task came, FSj and MA made such excuses and i done all swimming, climbing, crawling and rafting works by myself. I did well too. The very next day, MA was voted out. Opsiess.. ok, this whole paragraph was nonsense. Nobody was eliminated, but i wish if such course is to be happen, i want to be the first. I hate courses!
The only thing that i enjoy most was new found friendship i made with one really (i mean REALLY) big guy of the Company, that he then turn to an ordinary guy with very basic conversation. We talked about soccer, car, marriage, about me and him. And when it came to byes, i said that he will never be the guy i met here again. He then, sent me a note of many advices, macam wasiat. I am touched. This is what a friend for. I wish him all the best. Hoping our lives fill of great things. Goodbye DR, brace yourself for the future and beyond.
Anyway, i went to the Company's obligatory course last weekend, attended by the dean, head of departments and most of the anchors. I was nothing really, but my boss said it was good for my credential and for the naik gaji thingy. It was a small resort that got two huge ponds, and it seem very new and beautiful. I went straight into the room of 4 participants, where we can oversaw the ponds. Only that the water was brownish cloudy, but it was nice nevertheless!
In the course, we were given several tasks, and anyone who did bad will be eliminated. I was overjoyed in the first task, and that i did very well. The next day FSh was voted out. There were 3 of us left. When the physical task came, FSj and MA made such excuses and i done all swimming, climbing, crawling and rafting works by myself. I did well too. The very next day, MA was voted out. Opsiess.. ok, this whole paragraph was nonsense. Nobody was eliminated, but i wish if such course is to be happen, i want to be the first. I hate courses!
The only thing that i enjoy most was new found friendship i made with one really (i mean REALLY) big guy of the Company, that he then turn to an ordinary guy with very basic conversation. We talked about soccer, car, marriage, about me and him. And when it came to byes, i said that he will never be the guy i met here again. He then, sent me a note of many advices, macam wasiat. I am touched. This is what a friend for. I wish him all the best. Hoping our lives fill of great things. Goodbye DR, brace yourself for the future and beyond.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Cursed
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.. (MZ awarded me with this song not too long ago, thanks pal!) Ok, let talk about principal; the key to a successful friendship is communication. That's the rule. And that still my corollary to the first rule. And i failed at this.
I said: "You know it isnt the best way of doing it, right? You are seriously dating him, that's why (people putting 'slut' after your name)". On a friend who's dating a guy while both of them are in a relationship. But she said i'm JEALOUS.
I said: "I know you want to be near me at all time as we always used to be but i think that i have my (very bloody own) life to take with". And she said i DONT CARE.
I said: "I know i am socially single and getting older now, but i dont think i have to get a boyfriend this soon." To my friend a.k.a unofficial matchmaker. And she said i am not be THANKFUL.
First of all, I wasn't aware that I was giving the impression that friendship is something bad to live with. I'm here merely stating the facts, without bias or embellishment: a simple camera pointed at the scene, recording it with complete neutrality. I am, frankly, shocked and disturbed that my friends might think i communicate to make the case that i am, say, jealous, dont care or not be thankful! Perfectly put into practice there, you can see, Sherlock Holmes's rule that, "Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable must be the truth." I am not anymore a sunshine. Not even a sigle lit. Not even at all. No!
I said: "You know it isnt the best way of doing it, right? You are seriously dating him, that's why (people putting 'slut' after your name)". On a friend who's dating a guy while both of them are in a relationship. But she said i'm JEALOUS.
I said: "I know you want to be near me at all time as we always used to be but i think that i have my (very bloody own) life to take with". And she said i DONT CARE.
I said: "I know i am socially single and getting older now, but i dont think i have to get a boyfriend this soon." To my friend a.k.a unofficial matchmaker. And she said i am not be THANKFUL.
First of all, I wasn't aware that I was giving the impression that friendship is something bad to live with. I'm here merely stating the facts, without bias or embellishment: a simple camera pointed at the scene, recording it with complete neutrality. I am, frankly, shocked and disturbed that my friends might think i communicate to make the case that i am, say, jealous, dont care or not be thankful! Perfectly put into practice there, you can see, Sherlock Holmes's rule that, "Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable must be the truth." I am not anymore a sunshine. Not even a sigle lit. Not even at all. No!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Hujan
Tunggu sekejap wahai kasih
Tunggulah sampai hujan teduh
Mari kudendang
Jangan dikenang orang jauh
Jangan pulang
Jangan tinggalkan ku sorang
Belum puas kebercumbu dengan kanda..
Petang ni hujan lagi.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Dimudik dihilir
Aku sudah mula malas menulis dan malas membaca. Aku sudah mula kekeringan idea. Atau aku sudah mula menyampah dengan aku? uhh, jangan! Aku paksa diri menulis, sebab nanti orang kata blog aku dah mati (walau sebenarnya dah nazak). Dengan kemenyampahan itu jugak, aku tak mahu cerita pasal aku kali ni. Mungkin aku kena bercerita pasal orang lain. Orang yang lain selain aku. Contohnya Fauzan.
Fauzan kawan aku sekolah rendah. Dia sudah besar, bermisai dan berjanggut, tapi aku masih cam dia. Dia bawa perempuan comel yang dikata bini. Shahrin pun kawan sekolah rendah dan jiran depan rumah. Shahrin bakal arkitek. Shahrin ada kawannya yang hitam manis tinggi lampai itu. Shidah tinggal sebelah rumah Shahrin. Shidah sudah sibuk melayan si Ahmad sambil mendukung si Aiman. Suhana si engineer duduk PJ. Rumahnya seberang padang seberang jalan rumah aku. Suhana dan aku selalu kata "who's next?" atau "there she/he goes" dengan senyum kelat yang melekat. Si Fuad cikgu UPM duduk sebelah rumah Suhana. Dulu masa main titik-titik pen hitam pen merah atas buku matematik aku dia selalu kata "pokoknya pokok kelapa L". Aku tak faham, sampai sekarang.
Suhaimi, Izhan, Wati, Irwan.. aku tak dapat cerita semuanya. Semuanya kawan-kawan aku masa sekolah rendah. Jumpa kawan sekolah rendah, aku rasa masih hingusan. Hai.. setelah dimudik dihilir tetap sebulat semuara.. harap-harap akulah!
Fauzan kawan aku sekolah rendah. Dia sudah besar, bermisai dan berjanggut, tapi aku masih cam dia. Dia bawa perempuan comel yang dikata bini. Shahrin pun kawan sekolah rendah dan jiran depan rumah. Shahrin bakal arkitek. Shahrin ada kawannya yang hitam manis tinggi lampai itu. Shidah tinggal sebelah rumah Shahrin. Shidah sudah sibuk melayan si Ahmad sambil mendukung si Aiman. Suhana si engineer duduk PJ. Rumahnya seberang padang seberang jalan rumah aku. Suhana dan aku selalu kata "who's next?" atau "there she/he goes" dengan senyum kelat yang melekat. Si Fuad cikgu UPM duduk sebelah rumah Suhana. Dulu masa main titik-titik pen hitam pen merah atas buku matematik aku dia selalu kata "pokoknya pokok kelapa L". Aku tak faham, sampai sekarang.
Suhaimi, Izhan, Wati, Irwan.. aku tak dapat cerita semuanya. Semuanya kawan-kawan aku masa sekolah rendah. Jumpa kawan sekolah rendah, aku rasa masih hingusan. Hai.. setelah dimudik dihilir tetap sebulat semuara.. harap-harap akulah!
Monday, January 10, 2005
10 Hari
10 hari selepas tahun baru aku dah mula berlari-lari di tasik dealing with weight control. 10 hari selepas tahun baru aku belum kemaskini buku akaun, yang kononnya akan dikumpulkan dan digunakan untuk vacation, beli telescope & blah.. blah.. blah.., stop renting and start buying. 10 hari selepas tahun baru aku belum lagi daftar diri untuk kelas renang konon untuk menyelamat orang kalau si tsunami datang sini. 10 hari selepas tahun baru dah, tapi satu artikel atau journal pun haram belum siap. Dan 10 hari selepas tahun baru juga sandiwara kuih pau dan lolipop aku masih belum berhasil sebagai taktik mengorat. Aku ada 355 hari lagi, kalau umur panjang..
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