I got my menses back 3 weeks after the surgery whereas my gynae said that normally it would come back after 4-6 weeks. Oh, I mean after my evacuation of the uterus. Yes, after I had missed miscarriage. Yes, I was 8-9 weeks pregnant that time. Yes, I was very-very sad.
The miscarriage telltale will come later, now I just want to tell you my theory on why my menses came earlier than I thought.
My Beta-hCG test shown the result as 13675.5UI/L. It means that it was low and my body actually knew earlier that I wasn't pregnant anymore so it ready to start new cycle before the surgery. So, the cycle is as normal (4 weeks) by having miss calculated the actual day I wasn't pregnant anymore. Got it?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Monday, August 06, 2012
Our hero
This came from a silver medalist in Olympic 2012.
And he also wept.
What else do we Malaysian want?
He did us very proud.
Despite the injury he had, he fought well.
I cried; one for that sentimental thing call patriotic. Two to witness a true humble sportman feeling guilty for letting down millions hopes and not bringing back a gold medal to his homeland. Oh dear DLCW, how i hope you know that we care less about the gold medal, you already made us very proud. There's nothing to be sorry for. We are the one who should thank you loads.
I love this from a ESPN comentator: "Skills win you medals, but attitude wins hearts"
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Not like any other day day
I cannot explain why I feel this way but every time I left my tot in the morning induces the feeling like suffocating. Thinking about how I won't be able to bounce her in my lap, kiss her cheeks, play with her, or sniff her hair fills me with total despair. I don't know why. I didn’t make any room for common sense.
It is so hard to leave my little tot at home every morning, and yet it is harder not to be working. I know that there are many working moms that feel this way, but why is it really so hard? I love to be back out in the workforce but waving goodbye and see her gloomy eyes really make me lose my thunder.
She is a very good girl – never throw tantrums when I left for work even that she is exactly like a walking tornado. Usually we will enjoy our little sweet moments together in the mornings; cuddling and exchange sticky and slobbery smooches. But this morning when my girl woke up and saw me all preppy to work she just went out the bedroom and straight to my mom in law. She knew it is time for me to leave her. She knew she would be left alone with my mom in law. She knew I would not be available for her for the rest of the day. She's rather independent and I know she will be just fine away from me for the day.
Today she is different. She walked away when I call her and refuse to be hugged. I knew she was sad so I took her in my arms and say sorry to her that I have to leave. I am so sorry that I am not the one who spend time with you; experiencing new things, playing new games. I am so sorry that I am unable to be there for you and I feel sad too. I promise you that we would have great time together when I am off work. Her face turned red and gloomy.
And this morning when waving goodbye at the door, she cried.
It is so hard to leave my little tot at home every morning, and yet it is harder not to be working. I know that there are many working moms that feel this way, but why is it really so hard? I love to be back out in the workforce but waving goodbye and see her gloomy eyes really make me lose my thunder.
She is a very good girl – never throw tantrums when I left for work even that she is exactly like a walking tornado. Usually we will enjoy our little sweet moments together in the mornings; cuddling and exchange sticky and slobbery smooches. But this morning when my girl woke up and saw me all preppy to work she just went out the bedroom and straight to my mom in law. She knew it is time for me to leave her. She knew she would be left alone with my mom in law. She knew I would not be available for her for the rest of the day. She's rather independent and I know she will be just fine away from me for the day.
Today she is different. She walked away when I call her and refuse to be hugged. I knew she was sad so I took her in my arms and say sorry to her that I have to leave. I am so sorry that I am not the one who spend time with you; experiencing new things, playing new games. I am so sorry that I am unable to be there for you and I feel sad too. I promise you that we would have great time together when I am off work. Her face turned red and gloomy.
And this morning when waving goodbye at the door, she cried.
Friday, July 27, 2012
I know
Saya memang tak boleh tahan dengan orang yang cakap macam tahu segalanya. Dialah lebih tahu dari orang yang punya diri. Macam nak cakap 'I don't know' tu susah sangat. Ego. kalau saya cakap dengan dia, dia sajelah nak menang. Bertekak dengan dia memang tak guna, akhirnya saya cuma kata ok tapi dalam hati bentak-bentak geram.
Dia rasa dia macam orang besar dikalangan colleague. Bila bos bagi dia satu information dia rasa macam orang penting. Bila bos mintak dia buat sesuatu terus dia besar kepala. Tapi bila bos nak jumpa saya dia kata saya 'kipas-kipas' bos. Bila bos ajak lunch sama dia kata saya kesayangan bos. Saya volunteer untuk take over responsibilies orang lain lagilah saya dikutuk teruk.
Bila dia beritahu saya sesuatu lepas tu saya jawab 'i know' dia macam tak puas hati. Dia tanya saya bila saya tahu, dari mana saya tahu. Bila saya jawab 'i don't know' dia kata saya macam katak bawah tempurung la, tak peduli dunia la. Saya sakit kepala. Padahal saya tak suka nak peduli hal-hal politik pejabat. Saya tahu saya buat kerja sampai habis dan balik rumah. Bila boring atau ada masa senggang saya tengok youtube atau tanya khabar kawan.
Paling kelakar bila berbual dan termasuk pasal beranak. Dia cerita pasal beranak mengalahkan saya yang pernah beranak ni. Dia tak setuju epidural lah, dia rasa gynae saya tak baguslah. Pasal mendidik anak pula dia kata dia takkan bagi anak pakai pacifierlah, dia takkan bagi anak tengok tvlah. Bagi dia satu anak tengok. Bila ada anak ni memang banyak element surprisenya, tapi dia kata saya tak tetap pendirian.
Saya sentiasa bersabar dengan dia. Tak pernah cerita buruk-buruk pasal dia pada colleague lain sedangkan saya sedang genggam erat satu masalah dia yang dia ingat saya tak peduli. Tengoklah mungkin kalau masuk kali ke sepuluh dia tak datang office tanpa apply leave atau MC, saya akan mengadu mesti! Ini sudah kali ke enam dia MIA untuk tahun ni.
Saya memang tak tahan dengan kamu!
Dia rasa dia macam orang besar dikalangan colleague. Bila bos bagi dia satu information dia rasa macam orang penting. Bila bos mintak dia buat sesuatu terus dia besar kepala. Tapi bila bos nak jumpa saya dia kata saya 'kipas-kipas' bos. Bila bos ajak lunch sama dia kata saya kesayangan bos. Saya volunteer untuk take over responsibilies orang lain lagilah saya dikutuk teruk.
Bila dia beritahu saya sesuatu lepas tu saya jawab 'i know' dia macam tak puas hati. Dia tanya saya bila saya tahu, dari mana saya tahu. Bila saya jawab 'i don't know' dia kata saya macam katak bawah tempurung la, tak peduli dunia la. Saya sakit kepala. Padahal saya tak suka nak peduli hal-hal politik pejabat. Saya tahu saya buat kerja sampai habis dan balik rumah. Bila boring atau ada masa senggang saya tengok youtube atau tanya khabar kawan.
Paling kelakar bila berbual dan termasuk pasal beranak. Dia cerita pasal beranak mengalahkan saya yang pernah beranak ni. Dia tak setuju epidural lah, dia rasa gynae saya tak baguslah. Pasal mendidik anak pula dia kata dia takkan bagi anak pakai pacifierlah, dia takkan bagi anak tengok tvlah. Bagi dia satu anak tengok. Bila ada anak ni memang banyak element surprisenya, tapi dia kata saya tak tetap pendirian.
Saya sentiasa bersabar dengan dia. Tak pernah cerita buruk-buruk pasal dia pada colleague lain sedangkan saya sedang genggam erat satu masalah dia yang dia ingat saya tak peduli. Tengoklah mungkin kalau masuk kali ke sepuluh dia tak datang office tanpa apply leave atau MC, saya akan mengadu mesti! Ini sudah kali ke enam dia MIA untuk tahun ni.
Saya memang tak tahan dengan kamu!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Fall in love again
I fell in love with Melbourne in an instant.
Now still remember every bit of him.
(Him because it was named after Lord Melbourne)
I am so want to be one with him again.
Can I?
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Le neuvieme mai
I unintentionally found my very old diary. I wrote this 8 years ago:
"While listening to Bad English’s song, I had a phone call. It was Dylan. We talked for the extent of about 10 minutes when I abruptly said to him; “There’s a new guy in my office whom reminding me of you. He has much of your looks.” “And how does it makes you feel?” he asked. “It doesn’t seem like I am happy for that. My heart keep on screaming ‘don’t talk to me, go away’ anytime he make his way towards me. I think I'm affraid if I miss you”."
Somehow, yes i miss talking to him again. He always makes me feel good about myself. He always be himself and never try to impress me even a bit. I wish he knows that i still remember him. But it never makes me love my hubby less. Although i think the title may contradict a bit. Yes, 3 guys in a post. All whom i know in May.
I came to know Dylan in May 2001. A witty doctor who showed me how to feel, dream and love. He bared to me how every lapse, every moment of indecision and folly and that even tripping; stumbling down the path is absolutely ok. He had led me through episodes of good fun and indulgence. I had met his all sorts of characters and made memories at every turn; listening to story after story, turning through page after page, finding the bottoms of every glass and plate we had together. So i become a strong and independent girl he not expected me to be, who bravely pick to stay when he wanted to move on.
The second May guy i knew on 2004. And i wrote this 4 years ago when i really missed him: "I know we won’t be able to touch each other’s hand. I know we won’t be able to hold each other’s soul. I also know we won’t be able to own each other’s heart, but what am I to do each time I see you there? Each time your eyes meet mine and speak a thousand words without even uttering one single sound. Each time I hear your voice at the other end of the line and get shivers all through my body". And for me it explains a lot.
And on May 2008 i was introduced to this guy whom i married a year after that. Yeaps, tomorrow will be our 3rd wedding anniversary and i still amazed with that! :)
"While listening to Bad English’s song, I had a phone call. It was Dylan. We talked for the extent of about 10 minutes when I abruptly said to him; “There’s a new guy in my office whom reminding me of you. He has much of your looks.” “And how does it makes you feel?” he asked. “It doesn’t seem like I am happy for that. My heart keep on screaming ‘don’t talk to me, go away’ anytime he make his way towards me. I think I'm affraid if I miss you”."
Somehow, yes i miss talking to him again. He always makes me feel good about myself. He always be himself and never try to impress me even a bit. I wish he knows that i still remember him. But it never makes me love my hubby less. Although i think the title may contradict a bit. Yes, 3 guys in a post. All whom i know in May.
I came to know Dylan in May 2001. A witty doctor who showed me how to feel, dream and love. He bared to me how every lapse, every moment of indecision and folly and that even tripping; stumbling down the path is absolutely ok. He had led me through episodes of good fun and indulgence. I had met his all sorts of characters and made memories at every turn; listening to story after story, turning through page after page, finding the bottoms of every glass and plate we had together. So i become a strong and independent girl he not expected me to be, who bravely pick to stay when he wanted to move on.
The second May guy i knew on 2004. And i wrote this 4 years ago when i really missed him: "I know we won’t be able to touch each other’s hand. I know we won’t be able to hold each other’s soul. I also know we won’t be able to own each other’s heart, but what am I to do each time I see you there? Each time your eyes meet mine and speak a thousand words without even uttering one single sound. Each time I hear your voice at the other end of the line and get shivers all through my body". And for me it explains a lot.
And on May 2008 i was introduced to this guy whom i married a year after that. Yeaps, tomorrow will be our 3rd wedding anniversary and i still amazed with that! :)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Baby Bump
I cant wait to get myself pregnant again, like REALLY. Especially when my tummy is so huge and my bosom and derriere are as big as bowling balls. It's awesome being pregnant. It's an absolute joy to have someone inside your tummy, grow and ready to love you back. Nothing beats that feeling when the little one inside you moving oh so gently and you can see their elbows or whatever protruding. Ohss!
But then again, being pregnant include that first trimester which i traumatize with. My first experience was not going very well. I cannot eat anything and almost fully bedridden for the whole 2 months. The things that could get into my tummy was just piping hot tea, fruits and currypuff. Some people says it good enough since the baby was still very small and don't really need a lot of food to grow. Well, it do make sense.
Ok, there's few exciting moments that a mother would remember throughout their pregnancy:
1. The first time we saw the positive result from the pregnancy test kit.
2. The first image on ultrasound.
3. The first kick.
4. The moment we know is it a she/he.
5. The first glimpse of their face during ultrasound.
6. The first cry in the labour room.
Oh, shit that last one. I don't tresure my little girl's first cry because i was extremely exhausted and in pain from 9 hours struggle. I even so reluctantly kissed her when the nurse asked me to. But, yeah.. i remember that.
One more to point out about wanting to get pregnant is that: i'm so want to buy a lot of pretty preggie dresses, haha!
But then again, being pregnant include that first trimester which i traumatize with. My first experience was not going very well. I cannot eat anything and almost fully bedridden for the whole 2 months. The things that could get into my tummy was just piping hot tea, fruits and currypuff. Some people says it good enough since the baby was still very small and don't really need a lot of food to grow. Well, it do make sense.
Ok, there's few exciting moments that a mother would remember throughout their pregnancy:
1. The first time we saw the positive result from the pregnancy test kit.
2. The first image on ultrasound.
3. The first kick.
4. The moment we know is it a she/he.
5. The first glimpse of their face during ultrasound.
6. The first cry in the labour room.
Oh, shit that last one. I don't tresure my little girl's first cry because i was extremely exhausted and in pain from 9 hours struggle. I even so reluctantly kissed her when the nurse asked me to. But, yeah.. i remember that.
One more to point out about wanting to get pregnant is that: i'm so want to buy a lot of pretty preggie dresses, haha!
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Sedetik lebih
I love this song.
The lyrics really touching.
Well, yes dear, it's TOO ANUAR ZAIN.
But i wouldn't care to be overdosed with Anuar Zain.
The chorus gives me goosebumps. And teary eyes.
Everytime!
I hope you could sing this to me.
Even you dont really meant it!
Hope.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Reasoning
Today i want to learn to play piano so badly. Or maybe guitar? But then i think playing a musical instrument is not as important as wanting myself to be fit again. And when i know how to play some music and able to tune my own ballad, i may want to own a piano. Or a guitar. A piano is costly and having a small place make it almost impossible to have a piano afterall. It's not too late to learn to play piano, true?
Ok, and i also want to enroll to a pilates class. I do pilates years back, thus explain the fitness i had. Maybe once or twice a week can do. It don't do any harm to come home 2-3 hours late once or twice a week. At least i don't think my little girl would complaint. Or will my hubby? Or my mum in law? But then, we're planning for our second child. How is it like to have the flat tummy and fit body but then have to give it up again?
And i also want that yummy looking brown leather fossil vintage re-issue clutch bag.
Hmm.. i need to focus!
Ok, and i also want to enroll to a pilates class. I do pilates years back, thus explain the fitness i had. Maybe once or twice a week can do. It don't do any harm to come home 2-3 hours late once or twice a week. At least i don't think my little girl would complaint. Or will my hubby? Or my mum in law? But then, we're planning for our second child. How is it like to have the flat tummy and fit body but then have to give it up again?
And i also want that yummy looking brown leather fossil vintage re-issue clutch bag.
Hmm.. i need to focus!
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Still me
Suppose if i want to start strutting again
Suppose if i want to bring this blog to life
Suppose if i want to keep my 'things' here..
I think nobody would care
True?
Things around me change very fast; they move, grow, lost, rebuilt, multiply etc without me knowing. I cannot catch up with everything, in fact anything. I live my normal life and period. That is it. But suddenly it is not it. I need to change too. I need to be compassionate as i was before. I need to be optimistic. I need to make myself beautiful again. That is why i want to write again. So that i remember that i've promised that i will change.
And that is it!
Suppose if i want to bring this blog to life
Suppose if i want to keep my 'things' here..
I think nobody would care
True?
Things around me change very fast; they move, grow, lost, rebuilt, multiply etc without me knowing. I cannot catch up with everything, in fact anything. I live my normal life and period. That is it. But suddenly it is not it. I need to change too. I need to be compassionate as i was before. I need to be optimistic. I need to make myself beautiful again. That is why i want to write again. So that i remember that i've promised that i will change.
And that is it!
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