A growing man, he is

I couldn't quite remember the time he entered our big family. I was only 5. During his childhood, he was a kind of girlie type with his long red hair. I could clearly remember the way he asked me to tie up his hair everytime he wanted to play with Erna.

He is now 18 years old. Young and strong. He always feel strange in his own family, like it doesn't work the same way it always had. He thinks no one else is like him, that everybody is too harsh on him and dont appreciate what he do around. He even wonder how he got into a family as dull as his. But the thing is, his entire self has changed. He is irritable, silent and mad for no reason.

Anyway, somebody said that it is a normal process for a growing man. "He is being exposed to more and more foul language, blatantly rebellious attitude and people who are just plain carnal around him (excluding his family). He believes that life had just begun and that he'll live like forever, so he forgot how fragile the life is. Let him have fun, getting out of system, make mistakes, just growing and let him learn by his own. As long as he have faith, he'll be ok." Hmm.. i hope, i hope that he'll turn to that red-hair boy again.

A story about nothing

"What will you have for lunch?"
"I dont know. Ikan sembilang and some fried vege.. maybe. Why?
"Nothing. You said something yesterday. Why is it so?"
"Nothing."

"Have you thought about the direction your love-life is taking L? You may have certain questions about your romances, both past and present. Although this end-of-the-year period is traditionally one of reflection, and often of doubt, do not forget that the energy and effort you put in over the Summer will bring you the fruits you are seeking during the coming Spring. It is easy to get bogged down with excess emotional baggage, so try to keep a certain perspective and use the energy of the sociable Aquarius Moon to demonstrate to those around you that you are still sticking firmly to the path you have chosen to lead. You can also expect this Moon to bring you random moments of joy and laughter and your finances, although this may be difficult for you to believe, look set to evolve in a very positive manner over the next few days."

I could have have you.. Nothing.

Legally er.. blunder?

I like to think that i can take care of rudimentary legal problems in my life, driving licence, robbery, bank account shortage, insurance claim.. name it. But being faced with a troublesome "copyright" (the capital c in a circle) problem, i cant be on the ball. I am dangerously happy for a period of soaking, swimming or even absorbing liquids or solids with skull and crossed-bones and countless warning than this particular thingy with a bang. Ok, one local megazine has published my article (this is the good side of the story) BUT by someone else's name! Duh! What the hell? So i checked this out:

"Ownership of a copyright, or of any of the exclusive rights under a copyright, is distinct from ownership of any material object in which the work is embodied. Transfer of ownership of any material object, including the copy or phonorecord in which the work is first fixed, does not of itself convey any rights in the copyrighted work embodied in the object; nor, in the absence of an agreement, does transfer of ownership of a copyright or of any exclusive rights under a copyright convey property rights in any material object."

I am going to take offence today to have some clarifications. I have a bone to pick with them. Do i need a lawyer? Oh, by the way, that named person has a LLB from a local uni after her name. I'm sure she knows well in advance. Eh satu lagi, tengok Tiger Cup tak semalam? The Thai's scorer tu off side kan?

JD

Till we meet again in the next season! '..but i do feel i will miss you much, miss you much..' sob sob!

When she cries

I was watching people swinging in a pack LRT ride from Taman Melati to KL Sentral on Saturday (thanks for the invitation, again!) when a woman dressed in blue suddenly accosted me in a low voice. Her eyes filled with tears. "I have tried to make things work." She took another deep breathe to fought back the tears and looked through the window. "What i'm going to do?" she said in a meek voice and firmly wraped her arms around her torso.

I pity her so much but i was numb, i couldn't say a word. I hold her hand while she rested her head on my shoulder and begin to sob. "Sometimes its okay to give up, and let nature do it's own way." Shut up! With that sentence, she cried more. So, i let her cry and muted myself. Anyway, i dont know her, but i recognize the pain she suffered. She left with a smile, and i really hope that she'll be ok. This is for you, be strong!

Nonetheless, it's mak's birthday! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAK!

Four weddings and a funeral

I met a retired teacher Marie, who suffered from a fatal illness last year. She was a small figured lady with pale skin and wide smile. Aged almost 60. She smelled faintly sour, the way people on medication sometimes do. The doctor guessed she had 2 years left, but she knew it was less. On firm tenderly grip of our fingers, she asked; "tell me dear, what are you going to have in 5 years time, which i may not know." So, i told her about studies, big houses and cars, my own kindergarten and my beautiful raising children. Period. She smiled and said; "where's your husband?" Bingo!

To my just-married friends; Nadiah and Azizan, Aini and Rahmat, Sarah and Suffian, Siti and Zul, may the love that brought you together continue to blossom and flourish throughout your lives. And to you Marie, may you rest in peace.

Pardon me; I am sick!

I was sick last weekend. And am still not feeling well today. Neither climate changes nor tenses made me so. Cause is unknown. I have been sicker every week for the past few months.

God, i hate to be sick. I promptly spent one and half hour over the toilet. I woke up at 2am on and off puking and sleeping all night. So i went to the doctor on Sunday who took about 20 minutes checking here and there to tell me that i got Mr. Migraine, Ms. Gastritis and food poisoning of some sort. The doctor told me to take some serious rest for 2 days and then I should be ok for Wednesday. I am feeling only a small bit better, and I really dont expect it to get better. I am sick of my sicknesses. But anyone who isn't disturbed by the sickness that sickens them everytime they feel sick are sicker than me! Oh, by the way, thanks for Mr. Sony to entertain me while i was heavenly lying around doing nothing those MC days. Hmm, what happen to the prom? Mr. Sony?

A raya is

If i complete my duty to fast and pay zakat; i am just an ordinary muslim. If i decorate my house perfectly with beautiful curtains and strands of twinkling lights; i am just another decorator. If i slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of cookies and preparing gourment meals; i am just another cook. If i am contributing some money or clothes to the kids; i am just another philantrophist. So, on one dark, dreary and raining raya i asked my baby cousins about what a raya is.

"Raya tu bila kita pakai baju raya, makan kuih raya, dapat duit raya, pergi jalan raya.. itu la raya!" Aiyoh.. itu maciam pun bole ka? I need to be as simple as kids then!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA (yes, belated i know)

Kuih

Ada kuih bakar, tepung pelita, karipap, roti jala, kuih yang biji-biji warna merah dengan kelapa dan kuih yang entah aku pun tak tahu namanya. Ada jugak air minuman sejuk bermacam warna. Air kelapa, air soya, air tebu, air tembikai dan air warna biru itu air apa? Lauk pauk pun beraneka macam. Masakan ikan, ayam, daging; direndang, digulai, dipercik (yum..yum) dimasak itu ini. Sayur campur yang masak cuma 5 minit pun ada. Bulan puasa dah jadi pesta makan dan pesta makanan! Aku tak mahu kuih apa-apa. Tak mahu lauk apa-apa. Aku tak ingin apa-apa. Aku cuma nak makan dengan kamu. Aku nak kamu makan dengan aku. Sigh!

Mak, tengah masak apa tu?

Dont be messin' with ME

Tired and sick of working. Putting it simple, I have a VERY bad hair day. Hate it! Fortunately, there are still reasons for me staying here, (either than the fact that I'm bonded for that PTPTN stuff). Work is pretty easy as no one is breathing down my neck. So it’s kinda like heaven for lazy people. Don't get me wrong, I love work, but it has to be done systematically, the right personnel, the right way. I don't feel I owe anything to them after what they've put me through. I'd tried settling the loan funds; they insisted me to pay the entire amount or RM18K. I told myself to give it one more shot obviously I missed. I guess it's the only way or the highway.

Had a great time at kampung last weekend. Despite it, life is still lonely and seemed to be lacking in purpose. Can't seem to stay focus on anything I do. Perhaps it’s really a sign to strive forward instead of looking back in the past. I'm totally messed up; still not in one piece.

Kuliah Ramadhan III

Khutbah Rasulullah menyambut Ramadhan III (Akhir)

"Wahai manusia, sesungguhnya kamu akan dinaungi oleh bulan yang senantiasa besar lagi penuh keberkahan, yaitu bulan yang di dalamnya ada suatu malam yang lebih baik dari seribu bulan; bulan yang Allah telah menjadikan puasanya suatu fardhu, dan qiyam di malam harinya suatu tathawwu'. Barangsiapa mendekatkan diri kepada Allah dengan suatu pekerjaan kebajikan di dalamnya, samalah dia dengan orang yang menunaikan suatu fardhu di dalam bulan yang lain. Ramadhan itu adalah bulan sabar, sedangkan sabar itu adalah pahalanya surga. Ramadhan itu adalah bulan memberi pertolongan (syahrul muwasah) dan bulan Allah memberikan rizqi kepada mukmin di dalamnya."

"Barangsiapa memberikan makanan berbuka seseorang yang berpuasa, adalah yang demikian itu merupakan pengampunan bagi dosanya dan kemerdekaan dirinya dari neraka. Orang yang memberikan makanan itu memperoleh pahala seperti orang yang berpuasa tanpa sedikitpun berkurang."

Para sahabat berkata, "Ya Rasulullah, tidaklah semua kami memiliki makanan berbuka puasa untuk orang lain yang berpuasa. Maka bersabdalah Rasulullah saw, "Allah memberikan pahala kepada orang yang memberi sebutir kurma, atau seteguk air, atau sehirup susu. Dialah bulan yang permulaannya rahmat,pertengahannya ampunan dan akhirnya pembebasan dari neraka. Barangsiapa meringankan beban dari budak sahaya (termasuk di sini para pembantu rumah) niscaya Allah mengampuni dosanya dan memerdekakannya dari neraka."

"Oleh karena itu banyakkanlah yang empat perkara di bulan Ramadhan; dua perkara untuk mendatangkan keridhaan Tuhanmu, dan dua perkara lagi kamu sangat menghajatinya. Dua perkara yang pertama ialah mengakui dengan sesungguhnya bahwa tidak ada Tuhan selain Allah dan mohon ampun kepada-Nya .Dua perkara yang kamu sangat memerlukannya ialah mohon surga dan perlindungan dari neraka."

"Barangsiapa memberi minum kepada orang yang berbuka puasa, niscaya Allah memberi minum kepadanya dari air kolam-Ku dengan suatu minuman yang dia tidak merasakan haus lagi sesudahnya, sehingga dia masuk ke dalam syurga."

(HR. Ibnu Huzaimah).

Kuliah Ramadhan II

Khutbah Rasulullah menyambut Ramadhan II

Wahai manusia! Barang siapa di antaramu memberi buka kepada orang-orang mukmin yang berpuasa di bulan ini, maka di sisi ALLAH nilainya sama dengan membebaskan seorang budak dan dia diberi ampunan atas dosa-dosa yang lalu. (Sahabat-sahabat lain bertanya: "Ya Rasulullah! Tidaklah kami semua mampu berbuat demikian."Rasulullah meneruskan:) Jagalah dirimu dari api neraka walaupun hanya dengan sebiji kurma. Jagalah dirimu dari api neraka walaupun hanya dengan seteguk air.

Wahai manusia! Siapa yang membaguskan akhlaknya di bulan ini ia akan berhasil melewati sirathol mustaqim pada hari ketika kaki-kaki tergelincir. Siapa yang meringankan pekerjaan orang-orang yang dimiliki tangan kanannya(pegawai atau pembantu) di bulan ini, ALLAH akan meringankan pemeriksaan-Nya di hari kiamat. Barangsiapa menahan kejelekannya di bulan ini, ALLAH akan menahan murka-Nya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya.

Barang siapa memuliakan anak yatim di bulan ini, ALLAH akan memuliakanya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barang siapa menyambungkan tali persaudaraan (silaturahmi) di bulan ini, ALLAH akan menghubungkan dia dengan rahmat-Nya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barang siapa memutuskan kekeluargaan di bulan ini, ALLAH akan memutuskan rahmat-Nya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barangsiapa melakukan shalat sunat di bulan ini, ALLAH akan menuliskan baginya kebebasan dari api neraka. Barangsiapa melakukan shalat fardu baginya ganjaran seperti melakukan 70 shalat fardu di bulan lain. Barangsiapa memperbanyak shalawat kepadaku di bulan ini,ALLAH akan memberatkan timbangannya pada hari ketika timbangan meringan. Barangsiapa di bulan ini membaca satu ayat Al-Quran, ganjarannya sama seperti mengkhatam Al-Quran pada bulan-bulan yang lain.

Wahai manusia! Sesungguhnya pintu-pintu surga dibukakan bagimu, maka mintalah kepada Tuhanmu agar tidak pernah menutupkannya bagimu. Pintu-pintu neraka tertutup, maka mohonlah kepada Rabbmu untuk tidak akan pernah dibukakan bagimu. Setan-setan terbelenggu, maka mintalah agar ia tak lagi pernah menguasaimu. Amirul mukminin k.w. berkata: "Aku berdiri dan berkata:

"Ya Rasulullah! Apa amal yang paling utama di bulan ini?" Jawab Nabi:
"Ya Abal Hasan! Amal yang paling utama di bulan ini adalah menjaga diri dari apa yang diharamkan ALLAH".

Kuliah Ramadhan I

Khutbah Rasulullah menyambut Ramadhan.

"Wahai manusia! Sungguh telah datang pada kalian bulan ALLAH dengan membawa berkah rahmat dan maghfirah. Bulan yang paling mulia disisi ALLAH. Hari-harinya adalah hari-hari yang paling utama. Malam-malamnya adalah malam-malam yang paling utama. Jam demi jamnya adalah jam-jam yang paling utama.

Inilah bulan ketika kamu diundang menjadi tetamu ALLAH dan dimuliakan oleh-NYA. Di bulan ini nafas-nafasmu menjadi tasbih, tidurmu ibadah, amal-amalmu diterima dan doa-doamu diijabah. Bermohonlah kepada ALLAH Rabbmu dengan niat yang tulus dan hati yang suci agar ALLAH membimbingmu untuk melakukan shiyam dan membaca Kitab-Nya. Celakalah orang yang tidak mendapat ampunan ALLAH di bulan yang agung ini.

Kenanglah dengan rasa lapar dan hausmu kelaparan dan kehausan di hari kiamat. Bersedekahlah kepada kaum fuqara dan masakin. Muliakanlah orang tuamu, sayangilah yang muda, sambungkanlah tali persaudaraanmu, jaga lidahmu, tahan pandanganmu dari apa yang tidak halal kamu memandangnya dan pendengaranmu dari apa yang tidak halah kamu mendengarnya. Kasihilah anak-anak yatim, niscaya dikasihi manusia anak-anak yatimmu.

Bertaubatlah kepada ALLAH dari dosa-dosamu. Angkatlah tangan-tanganmu untuk berdoa pada waktu shalatmu karena itulah saat-saat yang paling utama ketika ALLAH Azza wa Jalla memandang hamba-hamba-Nya dengan penuh kasih; Dia menjawab mereka ketika mereka menyeru-Nya, menyambut mereka ketika mereka memanggil-Nya dan mengabulkan doa mereka ketika mereka berdoa kepada-Nya.

Wahai manusia! Sesungguhnya diri-dirimu tergadai karena amal-amalmu, maka bebaskanlah dengan istighfar. Punggung-punggungmu berat karena beban (dosa) mu, maka ringankanlah dengan memperpanjang sujudmu.Ketahuilah! ALLAH ta'ala bersumpah dengan segala kebesaran-Nya bahwa Dia tidak akan mengazab orang-orang yang shalat dan sujud, dan tidak akan mengancam mereka dengan neraka pada hari manusia berdiri di hadapan Rabb al-alamin.

Him

I've wrote this some time ago in my cyber diary:

"I really hope he’ll never know about my writings. I mean this webby. My cyber diary. As I finally discovered something; meeting him does one of the most desiring things I have ever hope (in good means). I find him as a person with full of emotions. He turns hot and cold in a swift. It made me feel as there’s still so much thing I don’t know about him. I find him quite bewildering. It’s like meeting a new guy as much as I turn to see his small eyes. I met him last night. This impressive, arousing, unexpected guy. I’m down with his advent. I have realized something upbeat to the eminence life of mine recently, after knowing him. Before, I was like most young woman whose just came from an awful breakup. I was isolating myself from the whole world. Stayed in my room, alone; jogging, reading, skiping meals, writing, reading, movie watching, sleeping, reading, bla.. bla.. bla.. A complete picture of a disorganized lonely life. Now, he has done wonders to me. I have learnt to appreciate my life well. I have learnt to care for his feeling, aside from mine which was far from similarities. I have learnt not to become self centered and find delight in seeing him smile or laugh. I learnt that there’s always somebody I can talk and listen to. And that is him.

This way or another, I guess, that’s one of tons uncounted reasons for admiring him. Yeah.. I like him. I admit it. Sincerely."

Happy Birthday to HIM

A bad hair day

"Repunzel, Repunzel let down your hair that I could climb the golden iron stair."

Ok, this is the story. I want to get my hair cut. I told the hairdresser so many times to leave the longest part alone, but she cut it shorter and shorter everytime she cut off the back part. What I really wanted was trim my hair and put some layer on both fringes so it wont look so volume and heavy. I love my Repunzel hair. [You look younger this way] I dont care if i look like an Ah Soh, I love my Repunzel hair. [See, your small cute face really suit the hair cut] Cute? Your head-lah. Did my red teary eyes look cute to you? [It's look like two hairdressers get their job done] Waaa.. I want my hair back! [Ok then, I'll give you some discount. Total = RM25.00] My lost hair is uncomparable you know.. sob.. sob.. Grow fast my dear hair. Grow fast and healthy.

"The golden iron stair has gone mama, tho the Prince is up here and we will live happily ever after."

When paper meets pencil

I was drawing again. It was the picture of a lost guy in his journey and his determination to be back whence he came all by his ownself. I did my best, but could not finish it. I always wanted to draw a picture of such beauty, which help me feeling the wonder of daily life, for it speaks in colours, curves and lines. A picture that carry the colour of life that reaches into my heart. Oh, forget about it. Jangan kutuk tau!

Haiku hari Selasa

Ketaidenwa oto
Yume meiki
Aishite imasu

Telefon berbunyi
Mengingat mimpi
Saya sayang kamu

Telephone rang
Remember the dreams
I love you

A haiku is Japanese peotic form, that contain seventeen syllables arranged in five,seven and five syllables respectively in three rows. And my Malay version haiku have 20 syllables, with eight, five and seven syllables for each rows. It's mine!

Inertia

The tendency of matter to remain at rest if at rest or to remain in motion in a straight line if in motion, unless pushed or pulled by an unbalanced force. [Newton's First Law]

For some reasons, trying hard to fix things isn't enough. I'm so tired and sick of sticking around even after direct and indirect signals, that i am not good at this. Maybe its the sheer inertia that stopping me to go further. Maybe its the geek thing in me that reluctant to change my routine and have a fresh new look. Maybe theres no force to keep my feet off the ground. Maybe i'm too scared. And maybe its because of YOU.

Doubutsu

Hari ini while having lunch ada seorang student duduk depan aku dengan baju hitam bertulisan hiragana. Aku cuma cam tiga suku kata, do u _ shi. Aku tulis dalam buku nota kecil satu lagi suku kata yang aku kurang cam. Sekarang aku dah tahu. Satu lagi suku kata itu 'bu' dan suku kata akhir itu rupanya 'tsu'. Jadi perkataan itu rupanya 'doubutsu' kata melayunya haiwan. Oh, satu kronologi menarik - seORANG student memakai baju DOUBUTSU dengan tulisan besar.

Jadi kalau dia boleh interpretasikan sesuatu dengan tulisan hiragana pada baju, jadi kalau aku, aku akan pilih tulisan yang begini pada baju :"Aku tak mahu pergi mesyuarat petang ini sebab aku malas dan aku sakit perut" Boleh begitu? Dan Harimu san sahaja yang akan faham. Matta arimashou!

What gives?

Here's what we got in Budget 2005.

121. [bla.. bla.. bla..] Untuk menjadikan profesion kedoktoran awam lebih remuneratif, Kerajaan akan melaksanakan kaedah rawatan swasta di hospital awam terpilih bermula dengan Hospital Putrajaya dan Selayang.

And here's what we got in the Minister's speech.

9. [bla.. bla.. bla..] ..beberapa kelemahan yang sering diperkatakan oleh rakyat. Isu yang menjadi buah mulut kini tidak melainkan long waiting time. Antara lainnya, diharapkan pengagihan sumber yang seimbang akan mengurangkan waiting time dan sudah pasti tindakan ini dapat memberi kepuasan kepada rakyat selaku pelanggan Kementerian.

I think it's funny to give the bees another comb. Dan kau tahu tak betapa susahnya aku terpaksa mencari baju batik tu?

Sleepless in SA

At night, as light fades, cells in the retina of the eye send a signal to a cluster of nerve cells located in the hypothalamus, in the center of the brain. These cells in turn send a message to the pineal gland in the brain to produce the hormone melatonin, which causes a drop in body temperature and sleepiness. At the same time, another cluster of nerve cells in the brain is believed to deactivate three major chemical messengers in the body, that keep us alert: histamine, norephinephrine, and serotonin.

Ok, so if insomnia occurs, there's something wrong.
1) It is not night.
2) You did'nt switch off the light.
3) Retina send a wrong signal, she's myopic.
4) Hypothalamus have move out from Central Brain.
5) Pineal Gland was broke, he cant produce anything.
6) Cluster deactivate caffeine and PEA.
7) You keep thinking what have gone wrong.

Offside

"Dah 30 tahun hidup, tak tau apa yang paling menyeronokkan" [3:57am]

Aku diam waktu tu. Diam sebab mamai lagi. Diam sebab aku tak faham. Diam sebab aku pun tak tahu nak cakap apa. Bangun je pagi-pagi tadi tak semena-mena aku teringat benda kau buat yang pernah jadi perkara yang paling menyeronokkan dalam hidup aku.

3 tahun dulu, kau datang lebih kurang 10 minit lepas azan subuh, kau kata kau nak cepat. Aku sarung tudung kepala yang kalernya tak matching dengan pijama Mickey Mouse biru aku. Aku terpaksa terpisat-pisat keluar dari bilik menuju ke parking lot sebelum lagi aku solat subuh. Aku jumpa kau tersengih-sengih dalam gelap. Aku tanya kau kenapa, kau sengih lagi. Aku beritahu kau, aku belum gosok gigi. Kau sengih jugak. Aku rasa macam nak tertidur balik.

"Will you marry me?" Kau tanya aku sambil hulur cincin bermata satu dalam kotak baldu warna biru. Aku pandang kiri kanan sebab ingat kau cakap dengan orang lain. Waktu tu kepala lutut rasa lembik. Rasa nak nangis. Kau tahu tak itu antara perkara yang paling menyeronokkan dalam hidup aku? Oh, dan kebetulan semalam masa bertelefon, aku masih pakai pijama Mickey Mouse biru tu. Cuma cincin bermata satu itu tak ada lagi di jari aku.

"Why dont you try to kick a goal?" MA pernah tanya aku tentang kau.
"I was in an offside position" Aku telan 660mg PEA pagi ni.

On choices and time

There's an e-mail telling me on how to insert golf balls, pebbles, sand and coffee to fit in a jar. Fill it first with golf balls, pebbles, sand and finally coffee, so that the jar will be enough for the whole things. Say that the jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, children, health and friends. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. And dont ever forget for a couple of cups of coffee. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.

Perhaps anyone of us would probably realize that our life is shaped by the time. On when is the right time to wake up, to be in the office, to have lunch, to get back home and finally go to bed. But time did'nt tell us when it stops. If God grant me for 25 years to live, isnt i just too old now? Too old to get my jar filled. I'm running out of time too.

'Kullu nafsin zaaiqatul maut'

The month of Rejab

We have come to the special months when Allah (SWT) extends His mercy and forgiveness to the highest levels. For instance, it is Friday in the weekdays, and In the Islamic calender, the months of Rejab, Sya'ban, and Ramadan are the such to name. Tomorrow is the 1st day of Rejab. Jom pakat puasa ramai-ramai!

"O my Allah pour out much blessings for us in Rejab and Sya'ban, make us reach safely Ramadhan, and take up abstinence and uprightness (fasting and prayers), careful in our speech, turning the eyes from ugliness (the unlawful); and do not let us hunger for food and thirst for water while we observe fast. O Allah ! make the new moon appear, for us with security; iman, safety and Islam. (O moon) my Lord and Your Lord is Allah the Mighty and Grand."

Wake-up call pukul 5:00am pulak ye, kita sahur sama!

Pleonasm

"It is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not" [2:216]

(1) SMS contest is HARAM (forbidden): GOOD
(2) "Waris, summary kena buat balik!" : Hmm.. still GOOD
(3) S****Y promorter said "itu EURO punya ah? you tengok ini VCD [Aerobics] lagi baik loo" sambil gelak-gelak tengok aku pegang choc brownies dan aiskrim : What the.. ??? NOT GOOD!

It's hard to find God in simple things.

100 Days and counting

If i am schooling, i am 100 times smarter. If i am on vacation, i've broke and probably lost in Rome. If i plant a seed, it grows and reach the same height as mine. If i am pregnant, my baby measures about 4 inches and weighs 3 ounces. But if 100 days of nothing baby, i'm blase."100 days had made me older, since the last time that i saw your pretty face"

2 Things i hate about you..

Ha ha.. Hari ni aku free.. FREE, ha ha.. boleh gelakkan orang yang jadualnya ketat sendat padat. Ha ha.. Syukur, Tuhan kurniakan aku hari Khamis yang mulia kasi aku rehat cukup-cukup. Even tak payah fikir pasal ke mana hilangnya tong air suling aku. Ha ha.. esok orang pulak gelakkan aku, gelakkan sampai hari Sabtu!

Hari ni awal pagi lagi aku dah rasa sayu, suddenly terkenang cinta K3G Naina pada Rahul. Kata Naina "Takpelah kalau kisah cinta aku tak berkesudahan, tapi janji dengan aku, tamatkan kisah cinta kau Rahul". Oh, rasanya macam tu. Aku tak mahu jadi Naina, atau Rahul. Aku tak mampu jadi Naina, atau Rahul. Jangan mintak aku jadi Naina, atau Rahul. Jangan paksa aku.

"I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call,
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all."
Kat; 10 Things I Hate About You

Tak apa, yang penting aku free.. FREE, dan masih perasan terkena bahana cinta sayu. Relevan?.. entahlah. Sekejap, aku check PEA aku.

A new shoes and a shoes

Shopping spree! Shopping spree! And i need a new pair of shoes. I'd been thinking of buying one for a while, imagining what it would be like. I'd like a half/full covered with non-skid sole as i work at the lab most of the time. It begins with the right materials, the right comfy, and above all a real smart look of both insole and outsole. I've been facing some difficulties with these current shoes and it didn't have the right amount of stresses for the job required.

Although i've done all the selection, i'd put off making the final purchase. I wasn't sure if i was quite ready for such replacement - and to be honest i was scared i'd end up buying the wrong shoes and wind up being disappointed. These old shoes had been with me through good and bad times, and it understands me well. A new shoes does'nt guarantee a hassle-free, rite? But anyway i need a new shoes, and a shoes.

Pastman

When i was about to begin the class session, i saw a familiar well known face rushed into the lab. He was late. I recognize his style. I known him for so long, only that we were technically out of touch due to me migrating here for the past few years. I cant believe this, i cant believe that i bump into this guy again. I remember those times we had every Saturday night together, experiencing the beauty and stillness of the night. I remember the face who took my nothingness and gave something better in return. Ashraf Mustaqim, he is.

Well.. he is my Astronomy little 'sifu'. He taught me about the stars, about the charm of the sky every Saturday night. He introduced me to Prof Chong Hon Yew, an expert in Astronomy and he made me believe that the world is not enough for me. Hmm.. "Okay, lets start the class now."

What a word can summarize

Moral: Watch your words.

Exodus

I have completely cleared out of my old place and have everything under one roof again in my new house. Of course there's still lots and lots of work to do - unpacking for one thing, filling some empty spaces in the kitchen, thinking of the bedroom new look, chaos in the closet, unmanaged ants problem, bla.. bla.. bla.. Being too tired doing the new house. I went on tak larat day after day after getting home from the office, so the cleaning process delayed. Well.. for the time being, it's just a new tongkang pecah.

And now dear friends.. i am strugling to understand Sasser Worm, cause my pc was infected! Darn! Darn that 18-years old German boy.

Things are worth changing

Some groundrules in my personal life, are slowly changing. I believe that i have, at times, take things easy. Drop down a gear and dont drive too fast when i think i should be cruising. I may not be the first to reach the finish line, but experiencing extra ride might represent a significant change than the life before. And when the going gets nearly end and the dos has done, i am too tired and afraid. Maybe it’s the time i just lean and laugh at stupid deeds, or the way that dreams reluctant to light up the night, or just the way i can remember the way it used to be and be glad that i am where i at. Help me!

Knocked out

Owen at his best

England once again done something to dominate the very first half, managing corner kicks (even they missed one), penalty shoots (and shoot outs) and waking me up after 2 hours sleep. Awww.. darn, i know England is worst in handling penalties, but i know they've played their best. I'm shattered. Hey, even Michel Platini and Eugene Socrates pun ada missed penalties apa.. I'll root for France after this, i dont support them but i expect them to win. So, next time England!

England biffs

Heroes of England

9:00 pm, June 21

Me : *tit tit tit - Wake up timer: 5:30 on Sony TV*
WF : What are you doing?
Me : Football. I have to witness Croatian's failure to England. *sleep infront of Sony TV*

I bet most Malaysians support England. I would say if it's World Cup, England got no chance coz their game is too bland as compare to the Latin America counterparts as well as few of the Europe teams. Nevertheless, with Rooney, Owen, Becks.. the team looks ready. It was a depressing time when Kovac scored in the first fifth minute, but as assured by myself, they won with 4-2. It England's first quarter final when they are not hosting, and i'll root for them for the next meet with Portugal. So, satu lagi sesi tidur awal! And France still look good with 3-1 to Switzerland. Well, i dont think it's stupid stay up late watching 22 men run for a ball anymore, their muscles entertaining tho. Heh!

Al-Kahf

"But your Lord is Most forgiving, full of Mercy. If He were to call them (at once) to account for what they have earned, then surely He would have hastened their punishment, but they have their appointed time, beyond which they will find no refuge" [Surah Al-Kahf; 18:58]

I've been told by a very good friend to read Surah Al-Kahf every Friday, when most of us usually recite Surah Yaasin, which is a little bit shorter and easier. The surah may be read during the night or the day of Friday.

From Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, who said: "Whoever reads Surah al-Kahf on the night of Friday, will have a light that will stretch between him and the Ancient House (the Ka’bah)" [Narrated by al-Daarimi]

Oxided feeling!

Well, it took a lot of time when love was forming and it's gonna take some time for the love to die. But each and every day i spend forgetting you, well it brings another night i never quite get through. And all I need is time, maybe a thousand years, maybe a million tears, but i need time. As much as i need you.

From JJ: "as long as one has these wrong views on the back of their head, it will be tough to have anybody love anyone.. dont complicate love, its something sweet, natural and above all, innocent".

Saying NO 101

Have you ever be drawn against an attention deficit disorder friend, begging you, and you alone to accompany her to her friend’s wedding? It’s awful rejecting a friend who’s mustering a special attention, but saying NO won’t make you a bad person. In fact, learning how to say it properly will give you a more respectful figure. Sometimes it’s easier to give them a plain white lie, but explaining the true situation with buts is much, much better.

Say things like “i'm actually surprised you are asking. Malacca sounds quite far for me, but happen to be with you make me feel excited. *sigh* Well, i didn’t think that i can make it with you. There’s a small slightly tiny teeny weeny thing i've to do on Saturday. My mom asks me to buy her some fish at nearby market. Yes, blame me, but you know i really have to, aren’t you?”

If she replies with “are you certainly rejecting my invitation?” Say “it’s not like that dear. I’m delaying it to a further invitation. Or shall I give an invitation in return, later?” Then, wait until she replies “okay, i will be fine”. And you’ll find out you’ve made her feel glee. Watch out for a fall-fall tone, she must be sulking or seriously disappointed. Rise-rise tone blatantly shows she is mad on you, but trusts me, she’ll be all right. And don’t forget to leave an apologize and wish a happy day for her. Feel easy to say a long NO. A simple NO is an ouch!

Sudah kawin kah belum?

Dear friends, i am SINGLE. Period. Heard this rumours continously. Sampai i pon naik confuse, i dulu pernah kawin ke? I'm not yet married and not getting married this soon. I've distributed wedding cards but they're not my wedding reception. I've been rummaging and tawafing shopping mall for wedding togs but i ain't going to wear them. I've walked down the street with some guys but they're not mine. I'm neither engaged nor in a serious relationship, honestly, but i am infected with Jake 2.0's virus. That's all. That's all.. i hope.

Venus transit

No living person has seen a transit of Venus because the most recent one occurred in 1882. Believe it or not? Believe it! Tomorrow observers around much of the world will see Venus drift across the face of the sun as Venus passes between the sun and earth. Simple as transits may seem, but put yourself in the history guys!. Persatuan Astronomi Negara Brunei Darussalam and Shahrin can give you some particular of it. Come on Venusians, it's show time!

Just come back from NJ's wedding reception in Penang. Exhausted but every single drop of my sweats are really worth for a good friend i have in good and bad times. And Annie, thanks for the 2 and half hours chat. McD made me talk to strangers! Strange...

Rain and raining

I love rain. Raindrops feel so pleasant when they smash to my face. Few things in life are perfect, and rain is. I love the light spritz. I love the pelting bullets. I thoroughly enjoy the huge plunkers that feel like popped water balloons of long humid days. Yesterday's Rain. Is it going to rain again today? It's Gonna Rain, It's Raining and It's Raining Men. Will have a week off. Yippiesss..

Yummy yummy!!

This guy have been a hero of his story. Have you? or is someone dominating your story? Perhaps, they think they have, and mind you, dont click if you are a nerd or not prepare to be shock. I warned you.. and sure, tak bleh pakai mya helo!

Aragorn s/o Arathorn

Distant dream

I was bumped to my old friend yesterday, reluctantly. He nudged me again and i rolled my eyes. It was quite a year off from his elbows. Was that too much to ask? I suppose so since i got it evertime we met. It was almost enough for me to go back to him and tell that i was uncomfortable with it and not to ask me to go out with him anymore. He nudged me again and i growled. "What do you want now, R?" R is his name. "You are a very nice girl L" L is mine. I'm shocked. "You are becoming a polite, gentle young woman every day, intelligent and fun, deep and sensitive, and helps me look at the world through new perspectives. I wrote about you awhile ago but it still stands". "But i hurt people". "No dear... you're learning and you hurt even more, are'nt you?" And he left, leaving me feel great the whole day. I am Miss Nice Girl! Thanks R, at least you've done some good to me!

Listening to: Hoobastank - The Reason

A journey to mythical Greek

I was once studying the Greek creation myth and i find Thetis (which i usually wrong-spoken with thesis or testis). Thetis is an immortal sea nymph or Nereid, the daughter of Pontus, that was created by Gaia. One day, Thetis was caught by a mortal king, Peleus, who had fallen madly in love with her, which of course caused some problems. Generally it was unwise for mortals to fall in love with immortals, or even vice versa. Subsequently she relented (having gotten to know him rather well in the hijacking process) and agreed to become his wife. 9 months after the marriage, came mortal Achilles, the one which acted by Brad Pitt in Troy. That was a very long intro right?

This movie has been marketed from a legendary war, Trojan War - and i suppose it works. Pitt is perfect as the heroic general, Achilles - the typical killer prince and awesome we all root for. And newly Ausie actor, Bana does okay playing Hector; a young loving prince that still has warrior-look in mini skirt. There are some potentially emotional moments - for one when Hector died and King Priam kneed to Achilles for his body. I’ve wetted my eyes and cheeks! In general, Paris and Helen were the great cause of the downfall of the kingdom, whether they mean to or not; another was when Hector accidently killed Menelaus and Achilles’ cousin. But these were explored in great detail; they were somewhat full of anger and revenge. And woman were still depictured as sex machine (missed those snips). Well, i assure a satisfying movie, even for the second ticket.

And “Interview With The Vampire” rewatch after Troy completes the reason of why i should look forward a dream with Pitt, heh!

Out of boredom

This painting was actually inspired by a lyric; "i wish you bluebird in the spring". Painted on 9th May 2004. Haaa.. nak kutuk la tu!

Bird of Spring

To whom it may concerned

Where do i begin? I have someone i need most in a time. Over the years, it has become a comforting ritual as i always come away with renewed understanding of my place in the world and it's the pleasure of knowing you. I have an idol, a favourite friend, a favorite colleague... the list continues. I know what i need and i know who speaks and listens to me. I recognize the familiar warmth that begins to radiate through me, finally touching my heart as you fulfills a part of me that may not have even realized was wanting. I need you.

I just need to talk to you, i dont know what to do. I'm a failure. I'm distracted and puzzled. Everything messed up, everything felling apart. But you were'nt there when i need to talk to you. So, i think my complaints are valid, that you never care about me, that you sees me only when you pleased, that you are'nt interested in the conversation, that you can even not talk to me for months on end, that it's ok if you didnt find me elsewhere. And these thoughts pissed me on.

I'm sorry for my words. Blame me for my ego, my immatureness, my grumpiness. I know i had said some stuff that is hurtful and it drags us to arguments but i have to speak out my mind. I have been giving the most wonderful person in the world. And i need you so much. I know i have done things to hurt u that i can't change. And for that i am sorry. I just feel useless when you are not around. I feel bad, it's killing me inside knowing what i said. Please, forgive me.

Sing out loud

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Nasrudin,
Happy birthday to you...

This song is also dedicated to Pierce Brosnan (16th May), Afni and Aini(20th May) and Redzwan (29th May), in advance. Make me the first who make the annual wish!

Post-Monday syndrome

I just feel all out of sorts and i don't really know how to make myself feel better cause i'm frustrated and once something frustrating happens i tend to dwell on it but when it happened, they came and went and i still feel shitty and i just don't know how to overcome it. The shittiest thing about life is that i can't get up and just let it all away, but why can't i? I just don't trust that i can actually handle it. I just want someone to ask me what's wrong but nobody does or if somebody does it's not that said person i am looking forward.

There will always be someone that we dont care much, they are available yet invisible. But when the going gets tough, they are the one worth relying for.

Primitive life I am having

A nice newly met friend asked my number. OMG. I dont have mobile phone. Period. Have i missed those lucky glitters? Losing a mobile phone would be similar to an affliction for me, and I found myself really annoyed with that. As much as i hate to admit it, i am far more relying on my mobile than my sunday nasi lemak. People who live with mobile phone and can access it anytime really get on my nerves, when they go only one hour without bringing their mobile pun they complain. *Sigh* Ok, a new mobile phone will cost me at minimum RM700 and darn, it is a bit too much than an exceeded bill. All in all, seriously i've been needing it like hell.

What's a house?

If there's one thing i'd like to have for my own self, it would definitely be a house. A house of my own. A small, tidy, well-furnished house and i am all alone. Unluckily, it is not a norm in Malaysia that a singleton live by their selves - not for a local educated, semi economic, malay cultured girl like me. Things to consider like the type of house that can fit my parent's requirements of security, finance, location, comfy and particularly duration. I need to move out from this house. I really do. Or should i move the people? *evil evil*

A perfect dinner

This is a daily horoscope report from aboutAstro for April 27 "Propose dinner to your loved one this evening. A neutral place and change of environment, this will help you both forget the little arguments that have been dominating too much of your relationship..."

If you have a great menu for dinner that brings wonderful flavours from sweet to spicy, from hot to cold, from Japanese to hmm.. back to Japanese, who will you gladly have dinner with if you are about to pick up anyone? Someone who can enjoy the smell of ginger and garlic, taste the passion of ideal connection between you, and memorize every single speech and shift. And will they reply with "Yes"? I, myself do not know...

My dear Mr.Suffian

"When i see you smile
I can face the world
oh, you know i can do anything.
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
oh, i see it shining right through the rain."

~Bad English~

Bila jalan makin berliku, berdebu, berbatu, keliru dan kelabu...
i know i need you (and your smile) most!

PhD and goyang kaki

While my colleague next table imersing herself to something very odd call Genetic Algorithm, i am here doing nothing. Yes, nothing. My mind screaming out of leisure, lepak and rest, and make the most of it blogging about i-do-not-know-what-my-blogging-is-all-about. The old folks at my kampong area seem to judge if a girl go for higher education, knowing full well she must spending much of her time slaving to the career, earning much of the house income, the unmarriable that person may become. If it is true, i have to continue to goyang kaki then! *wink wink*

Brainless + laziness

It have been quite a long pause... almost!

I have tons of idea when i log in. About why on earth i am doing here, about my ownself, about my previous webby that i tend to stop strutting in it, about my trip to Genting, about my new primitive friend.. bla.. bla.. bla.. but everything lost in instant. The same goes with my work, it isn't going as quickly as I'd like it to. Partly due to delays beyond my control and partly due to my supreme laziness, I am no longer struck by blind terror. I no longer go into mental fidgets even contemplating the idea of working on it. I need a break! Pressing up gear to somehow going faster in a slow lane.

Hajimemashite

Ehem... ehem..

Hello.. My name is waris he..he..he..
It will be a new start of me being sturt the whole bunch
of private and personal idea thru cyberspace.

Sholud I smile? Oh, yes... I smiled!