Epitaph

A quiet room. Dark. Light shaped by some strikes outside. Stinging and hurting my sight. I didn’t move an inch. Not from the second i came to the window. It was very dark in and out the frozen window.

The window was unlocked, faintly ajar. The curtains waived raucously. Huge heavy plunks of rain drops rushed in. I watched the rain behind the frozen window. It was a crazy storm outside. Lightning strokes and brawled and paused. There was a bird lodged by the window for some shed.

I pulled the window hard. It closed eventually. I checked the room in a glance. Emphatically didn’t miss a thing. The tv set. The crowded table. The wet carpet. The darkness. The silence.

I was all alone in my apartment. A total absence of everything. No human being. No affection. And i was afraid penetrated to the emptiness of life just like this. I could feel the fears collided toward me. Drawing nearer every moment. That so many dark sorrows came bustling through all directions. I stood still.

I fear being alone and left unnoticed. As like only death can do this. Die and rot. Rot and vanish. I fear independency and fragility. I fear being invisible to the world. And that nobody sees me for real. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I fear loneliness a lot.

And now, if that stormy day comes and i could hear your soothing voice asking me again. Of what the most terrifying thing i won’t be attend to, it would be this loneliness. Created by the silence and stillness of being alone. Of being with nobody mentally and physically. Of the wide width between me and the outer world.

And if we can go back to the storm and you ask me the same question again. I would say that i fear losing you. Even that i did loose you subsequently. You did fade away before that storm stoped.

Hello, i'm Muadz

Isn't he cute? Notice his Einsteinish look! Meminjam gambar anak Kak Fathean buat penyeri bloggie. Ini haiku untuk Muadz sayang, auntie loves you!

Kudup berkembang
Berseri senyum manja
Si comel girang

Unforgettable Istanpool

Why Liverpool should win the game:

1) Look what they did to Chelsea. Why not Milan.
2) They can't defend the trophy for the next season.
3) The team's development in Champions League doing fine, even better than all other top sides.
4) Rafa and Stevie G is just superb for the cup.
5) No serious injuries to the players. The tops are in the game.
6) The trophy should be home after some decades.
7) I want it that way. hehe..

Bottomline: THEY DID IT! Yaaayyy!!

Wouldn't it be nice?

Aboutastro gave me this:

Now on Wednesday lectures can turn people off and you yourself are not in the mood to have others tell you what is right or wrong with your world. Try focusing instead on creating a romantic relationship with someone who is very important to you at this time. This is an ideal time to heal a relationship or start a new one with amazing joy. Venus interacts with Mars to bring passion and pleasure to your day and the current Lunar Phase adds a little spice with a dose of mystery.

I wish it would be that easy, hehe. Listenting to this at the moment.

Skin issue

Dear Dr. Jen How

I have no idea of what caused it, but i tend to get bloody lazy feeling of going to the clinic. I'm not phobic. Hyper-chondriac, maybe!

I had been diagnosed of having contact dermatitis few years back, but for almost a month now, i have really (at least to me) strange skin issues. I have mild red spots on my face, itching and burning sensation especially on the cheeks. I thought it is the same dermatitis, so i am giving myself a topical treatments that i've used before; Corticosteroids - Hydrocortisone cream 1.0%. Since then a multitude of things that I was never allergic to before, make my skin react. From mild itching and burning, it become painful.

So, my second thought said that there is a possibility all of this being a fungal infection since i am using non-allergy detergents, non-allergy pillows and bedding, not changing cosmetics (do i have any cosmetic product? hmmm..) and i do not have any pets make no sense that it is contact dermatitis. After diagnosing myself as having tinea versicolour (i know it worse than dermatitis, but i think it is managable) i used dundruff shampoo which have 1% selenium sulfide to treat the spots. I applied it at bedtime, left it overnight and wash it off in the morning. It is a 'success', it become more swollen, red and painful.

Pardon me for my lack knowledge on medicine and i know i make more harm to myself. What should i do now? If this happens due to the 'batsu' thingy, i surrender je lah. So.. Jen How, i'm all yours now. Hyper-chondriac, no more.

The cost

Despite Pierce Brosnan's 52nd birthday and Teacher's Day yesterday, it was my 3rd anniversary of working in this company too. Celebrating it, here is how many hour i really work annualy and how much this company had paid me for an hour.

1) From the total 356 days a year, Sundays and odd Saturdays are excepted, counted as 78 days. Total days left are 287.

2) Annual leaves i take in average are 15 days per year, plus 15 days for national holidays. So, 287 - 15 - 15 = 257 days left.

3) Working time is about 8 hours a day, and that means i work 2,056 hours a year; 257 x 8 = 2,056.

4) One hour everyday goes to surfing the internet, games, blogging and chatting, means 257 hours. Total hour left = 1,799.

5) One hour goes to meals (lunch break & breakfast), means 257 hours used. Total hour left = 1,542.

6) Another one hour goes to talking, joking around and socializing, means another 257 hours wasted. Total hour left = 1,285.

7) This university offered 3 semesters yearly, and i dont have any classes or labs for the total 7 weeks short semester. So, 1,005 hours left; 7 weeks x 5 days x 8 hours = 280 hours.

8) From the total 1,005 hours, or 42 days of work annualy, they paid me RM 26.27 (USD6.60) for an hour! Lumayan sih!

Pump

The hiccups have already begun. Third time of the year.

Someone said that BN is now "Barang Naik". Oil companies of the world are now rationing the amount of gasoline they send to terminals as refineries struggle to make enough of the different specialty. Many industry analysts agree that rationing at the petrol terminals could easily lead to shortages of gas at the pump stations. There is nothing the average consumer can do right now. As long as consumers need to drive, they will continue to pay the prices at the pump.

What can we consumers do actually? Boycotts? Protests? No,jog to the office. Yeah, rite!

Footie lagi

When I wait for a football match, i spent a lot of my time dreaming about great goals. The word football sticks my eyes tighter to the screen than lovers grip (i do not like hectic stadium or mamak stall anymore guys, sorry!). But i don't believe that football is the greatest experience on earth. I don't even believe that football is the best game on earth. I've done something to forsake football. I've studied the rules and news, bought some megazines, jerseys; England's, MU's, Liverpool's and Barcelona's. Football's pull on my heart runs deep. It is my third love, after God and family. Though I tried to believe that the cliche wasn't true, it is. You'll never forget your loves, not even can try to avoid or ignore it. I'm not a die hard fan. For me, it's not the players and not the clubs. It's the game.

So, sorry BOSS. I may come a little bit late when the competition runs. Anyway, despite that controversial goal, Liverpool rocks!