Epitaph

A quiet room. Dark. Light shaped by some strikes outside. Stinging and hurting my sight. I didn’t move an inch. Not from the second i came to the window. It was very dark in and out the frozen window.

The window was unlocked, faintly ajar. The curtains waived raucously. Huge heavy plunks of rain drops rushed in. I watched the rain behind the frozen window. It was a crazy storm outside. Lightning strokes and brawled and paused. There was a bird lodged by the window for some shed.

I pulled the window hard. It closed eventually. I checked the room in a glance. Emphatically didn’t miss a thing. The tv set. The crowded table. The wet carpet. The darkness. The silence.

I was all alone in my apartment. A total absence of everything. No human being. No affection. And i was afraid penetrated to the emptiness of life just like this. I could feel the fears collided toward me. Drawing nearer every moment. That so many dark sorrows came bustling through all directions. I stood still.

I fear being alone and left unnoticed. As like only death can do this. Die and rot. Rot and vanish. I fear independency and fragility. I fear being invisible to the world. And that nobody sees me for real. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I fear loneliness a lot.

And now, if that stormy day comes and i could hear your soothing voice asking me again. Of what the most terrifying thing i won’t be attend to, it would be this loneliness. Created by the silence and stillness of being alone. Of being with nobody mentally and physically. Of the wide width between me and the outer world.

And if we can go back to the storm and you ask me the same question again. I would say that i fear losing you. Even that i did loose you subsequently. You did fade away before that storm stoped.