Le neuvieme mai

I unintentionally found my very old diary. I wrote this 8 years ago:

"While listening to Bad English’s song, I had a phone call. It was Dylan. We talked for the extent of about 10 minutes when I abruptly said to him; “There’s a new guy in my office whom reminding me of you. He has much of your looks.” “And how does it makes you feel?” he asked. “It doesn’t seem like I am happy for that. My heart keep on screaming ‘don’t talk to me, go away’ anytime he make his way towards me. I think I'm affraid if I miss you”."

Somehow, yes i miss talking to him again. He always makes me feel good about myself. He always be himself and never try to impress me even a bit. I wish he knows that i still remember him. But it never makes me love my hubby less. Although i think the title may contradict a bit. Yes, 3 guys in a post. All whom i know in May.

I came to know Dylan in May 2001. A witty doctor who showed me how to feel, dream and love. He bared to me how every lapse, every moment of indecision and folly and that even tripping; stumbling down the path is absolutely ok. He had led me through episodes of good fun and indulgence. I had met his all sorts of characters and made memories at every turn; listening to story after story, turning through page after page, finding the bottoms of every glass and plate we had together. So i become a strong and independent girl he not expected me to be, who bravely pick to stay when he wanted to move on.

The second May guy i knew on 2004. And i wrote this 4 years ago when i really missed him: "I know we won’t be able to touch each other’s hand. I know we won’t be able to hold each other’s soul. I also know we won’t be able to own each other’s heart, but what am I to do each time I see you there? Each time your eyes meet mine and speak a thousand words without even uttering one single sound. Each time I hear your voice at the other end of the line and get shivers all through my body". And for me it explains a lot.

And on May 2008 i was introduced to this guy whom i married a year after that. Yeaps, tomorrow will be our 3rd wedding anniversary and i still amazed with that! :)

Baby Bump

I cant wait to get myself pregnant again, like REALLY. Especially when my tummy is so huge and my bosom and derriere are as big as bowling balls. It's awesome being pregnant. It's an absolute joy to have someone inside your tummy, grow and ready to love you back. Nothing beats that feeling when the little one inside you moving oh so gently and you can see their elbows or whatever protruding. Ohss!

But then again, being pregnant include that first trimester which i traumatize with. My first experience was not going very well. I cannot eat anything and almost fully bedridden for the whole 2 months. The things that could get into my tummy was just piping hot tea, fruits and currypuff. Some people says it good enough since the baby was still very small and don't really need a lot of food to grow. Well, it do make sense.

Ok, there's few exciting moments that a mother would remember throughout their pregnancy:
1. The first time we saw the positive result from the pregnancy test kit.
2. The first image on ultrasound.
3. The first kick.
4. The moment we know is it a she/he.
5. The first glimpse of their face during ultrasound.
6. The first cry in the labour room.

Oh, shit that last one. I don't tresure my little girl's first cry because i was extremely exhausted and in pain from 9 hours struggle. I even so reluctantly kissed her when the nurse asked me to. But, yeah.. i remember that.

One more to point out about wanting to get pregnant is that: i'm so want to buy a lot of pretty preggie dresses, haha!

Sedetik lebih

I love this song.
The lyrics really touching.
Well, yes dear, it's TOO ANUAR ZAIN.
But i wouldn't care to be overdosed with Anuar Zain.
The chorus gives me goosebumps. And teary eyes.
Everytime!

I hope you could sing this to me.
Even you dont really meant it!
Hope.