2nd March

Boleh tak kalau ada satu hari tu kita skip. Kalau kita tak nak 2nd March ada dalam kalender, macam 29 February. Kalau 2nd March tak ada, kira umur kita tak payah bertambah boleh tak? Boleh tak kalau kita tak payah ada birthday? Tak ada hari yg istimewa nak memperingati hari kelahiran kita, biar mak kita je yang ingat hari dia melahirkan kita, boleh tak? Boleh tak macam tu?

Unluckily, tak boleh. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.. semalam!

Hotspots

I do appreciate life, you know. One of my many amusements lies in spotting symptoms of the planet earth and the decline of what is sometimes dangerously called HOTSPOTS. These hotspots are not one like a full-packed hang out place with chunk of great cooked aroma under your nose. I can promise that you dont like it either, do you? Hotspots, no more!

Song at the moment: HIJAU

Take a break!

You know you need a vacation when:

1) You find yourself thinking the reason of why you need a vacation.
2) You care so much of the weather.
3) You spend your off time thinking of work.
4) Weekend means nothing to you, you even hate it.
5) Most of your colleagues said "you need a break".
6) You answering calls at home using the office greeting.
7) You think that your backpack has worn out.
8) You forgot to queue and cram up to this year's travel fair!

Oh, yes I do.

Yang laut, yang darat

Dia tanya aku lagi. Soalan yang sama, bentuk yang berbeza. Aku tak jawab macam biasa. Atau jawapan aku akan tetap sama.
__________

Dia tanya aku, bila aku mungkin ditukar ke sana. Jawatan itu masih kosong. Boss di sana berkali-kali bertanya pasal aku. Tugas yang banyak sedang menunggu. Boss aku jugak berkali-kali melarang aku ke sana. Big Boss pun bagi larangan yang sama. Surat yang dihantar takkan dilayan! Kalau kau betul-betul tanya aku, aku mahu di sini atau di sana, aku sendiri tak tahu.

Aku boleh tulis surat lagi. Aku boleh bercakap dengan Boss dan Big Boss. Aku boleh buat apa-apa yang kau suruh. Tapi aku sendiri tak tahu. Aku di sini boleh, di sana pun boleh. Passion aku pada Chemistry belum habis, jodoh kami sungguh lama. Aku sendiri tak tahu!
__________

Dia yang lain tanya aku, malam ni aku free tak? Kau tanya lagi, walhal kau tahu jadual malam Isnin aku. Mula dari kau kata keluar makan, kau tukar kepada jalan-jalan, kemudian lagi kau tukar jadi dating dan terakhir sekali, hari ini jadi teman Valentine.

Tapi ada satu benda masih takkan berubah, status kau dan aku. Jauhkan teori enggang-pipit itu. Aku sudah beritahu, kau boleh cari aku lagi lepas kau graduate dari sini, lepas aku tak bertanggung-jawab atas markah dan kelas kau. Aku sangat pasti dengan polisi kau dan aku. Kalau polisi itu tak terlibat sekalipun, mungkin aku masih tak mahu. Jangan tanya aku lagi. Aku jadi serba salah.
__________

Soalan-soalan berulang buat aku jemu. Aku pejam mata sebelah dan buat-buat tak tahu. Dan ketika aku menaip, ada lagu tema didendang dalam otak subconcious aku.. "yang darat balik ke darat, yang laut balik ke laut"

Of a course and DR

Got loads of ideas on what to blog but somehow it seems that i got no time to type it down. For so much things had happened, and too much more were forgotten.

Anyway, i went to the Company's obligatory course last weekend, attended by the dean, head of departments and most of the anchors. I was nothing really, but my boss said it was good for my credential and for the naik gaji thingy. It was a small resort that got two huge ponds, and it seem very new and beautiful. I went straight into the room of 4 participants, where we can oversaw the ponds. Only that the water was brownish cloudy, but it was nice nevertheless!

In the course, we were given several tasks, and anyone who did bad will be eliminated. I was overjoyed in the first task, and that i did very well. The next day FSh was voted out. There were 3 of us left. When the physical task came, FSj and MA made such excuses and i done all swimming, climbing, crawling and rafting works by myself. I did well too. The very next day, MA was voted out. Opsiess.. ok, this whole paragraph was nonsense. Nobody was eliminated, but i wish if such course is to be happen, i want to be the first. I hate courses!

The only thing that i enjoy most was new found friendship i made with one really (i mean REALLY) big guy of the Company, that he then turn to an ordinary guy with very basic conversation. We talked about soccer, car, marriage, about me and him. And when it came to byes, i said that he will never be the guy i met here again. He then, sent me a note of many advices, macam wasiat. I am touched. This is what a friend for. I wish him all the best. Hoping our lives fill of great things. Goodbye DR, brace yourself for the future and beyond.

Cursed

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.. (MZ awarded me with this song not too long ago, thanks pal!) Ok, let talk about principal; the key to a successful friendship is communication. That's the rule. And that still my corollary to the first rule. And i failed at this.

I said: "You know it isnt the best way of doing it, right? You are seriously dating him, that's why (people putting 'slut' after your name)". On a friend who's dating a guy while both of them are in a relationship. But she said i'm JEALOUS.

I said: "I know you want to be near me at all time as we always used to be but i think that i have my (very bloody own) life to take with". And she said i DONT CARE.

I said: "I know i am socially single and getting older now, but i dont think i have to get a boyfriend this soon." To my friend a.k.a unofficial matchmaker. And she said i am not be THANKFUL.

First of all, I wasn't aware that I was giving the impression that friendship is something bad to live with. I'm here merely stating the facts, without bias or embellishment: a simple camera pointed at the scene, recording it with complete neutrality. I am, frankly, shocked and disturbed that my friends might think i communicate to make the case that i am, say, jealous, dont care or not be thankful! Perfectly put into practice there, you can see, Sherlock Holmes's rule that, "Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable must be the truth." I am not anymore a sunshine. Not even a sigle lit. Not even at all. No!

Haiku hari Khamis

Aku dan kamu
Tujuh belas hari kah?
Itu pilihan.

Hujan

Tunggu sekejap wahai kasih
Tunggulah sampai hujan teduh
Mari kudendang
Jangan dikenang orang jauh
Jangan pulang
Jangan tinggalkan ku sorang
Belum puas kebercumbu dengan kanda..

Petang ni hujan lagi.

Dimudik dihilir

Aku sudah mula malas menulis dan malas membaca. Aku sudah mula kekeringan idea. Atau aku sudah mula menyampah dengan aku? uhh, jangan! Aku paksa diri menulis, sebab nanti orang kata blog aku dah mati (walau sebenarnya dah nazak). Dengan kemenyampahan itu jugak, aku tak mahu cerita pasal aku kali ni. Mungkin aku kena bercerita pasal orang lain. Orang yang lain selain aku. Contohnya Fauzan.

Fauzan kawan aku sekolah rendah. Dia sudah besar, bermisai dan berjanggut, tapi aku masih cam dia. Dia bawa perempuan comel yang dikata bini. Shahrin pun kawan sekolah rendah dan jiran depan rumah. Shahrin bakal arkitek. Shahrin ada kawannya yang hitam manis tinggi lampai itu. Shidah tinggal sebelah rumah Shahrin. Shidah sudah sibuk melayan si Ahmad sambil mendukung si Aiman. Suhana si engineer duduk PJ. Rumahnya seberang padang seberang jalan rumah aku. Suhana dan aku selalu kata "who's next?" atau "there she/he goes" dengan senyum kelat yang melekat. Si Fuad cikgu UPM duduk sebelah rumah Suhana. Dulu masa main titik-titik pen hitam pen merah atas buku matematik aku dia selalu kata "pokoknya pokok kelapa L". Aku tak faham, sampai sekarang.

Suhaimi, Izhan, Wati, Irwan.. aku tak dapat cerita semuanya. Semuanya kawan-kawan aku masa sekolah rendah. Jumpa kawan sekolah rendah, aku rasa masih hingusan. Hai.. setelah dimudik dihilir tetap sebulat semuara.. harap-harap akulah!

10 Hari

10 hari selepas tahun baru aku dah mula berlari-lari di tasik dealing with weight control. 10 hari selepas tahun baru aku belum kemaskini buku akaun, yang kononnya akan dikumpulkan dan digunakan untuk vacation, beli telescope & blah.. blah.. blah.., stop renting and start buying. 10 hari selepas tahun baru aku belum lagi daftar diri untuk kelas renang konon untuk menyelamat orang kalau si tsunami datang sini. 10 hari selepas tahun baru dah, tapi satu artikel atau journal pun haram belum siap. Dan 10 hari selepas tahun baru juga sandiwara kuih pau dan lolipop aku masih belum berhasil sebagai taktik mengorat. Aku ada 355 hari lagi, kalau umur panjang..

A growing man, he is

I couldn't quite remember the time he entered our big family. I was only 5. During his childhood, he was a kind of girlie type with his long red hair. I could clearly remember the way he asked me to tie up his hair everytime he wanted to play with Erna.

He is now 18 years old. Young and strong. He always feel strange in his own family, like it doesn't work the same way it always had. He thinks no one else is like him, that everybody is too harsh on him and dont appreciate what he do around. He even wonder how he got into a family as dull as his. But the thing is, his entire self has changed. He is irritable, silent and mad for no reason.

Anyway, somebody said that it is a normal process for a growing man. "He is being exposed to more and more foul language, blatantly rebellious attitude and people who are just plain carnal around him (excluding his family). He believes that life had just begun and that he'll live like forever, so he forgot how fragile the life is. Let him have fun, getting out of system, make mistakes, just growing and let him learn by his own. As long as he have faith, he'll be ok." Hmm.. i hope, i hope that he'll turn to that red-hair boy again.

A story about nothing

"What will you have for lunch?"
"I dont know. Ikan sembilang and some fried vege.. maybe. Why?
"Nothing. You said something yesterday. Why is it so?"
"Nothing."

"Have you thought about the direction your love-life is taking L? You may have certain questions about your romances, both past and present. Although this end-of-the-year period is traditionally one of reflection, and often of doubt, do not forget that the energy and effort you put in over the Summer will bring you the fruits you are seeking during the coming Spring. It is easy to get bogged down with excess emotional baggage, so try to keep a certain perspective and use the energy of the sociable Aquarius Moon to demonstrate to those around you that you are still sticking firmly to the path you have chosen to lead. You can also expect this Moon to bring you random moments of joy and laughter and your finances, although this may be difficult for you to believe, look set to evolve in a very positive manner over the next few days."

I could have have you.. Nothing.

Legally er.. blunder?

I like to think that i can take care of rudimentary legal problems in my life, driving licence, robbery, bank account shortage, insurance claim.. name it. But being faced with a troublesome "copyright" (the capital c in a circle) problem, i cant be on the ball. I am dangerously happy for a period of soaking, swimming or even absorbing liquids or solids with skull and crossed-bones and countless warning than this particular thingy with a bang. Ok, one local megazine has published my article (this is the good side of the story) BUT by someone else's name! Duh! What the hell? So i checked this out:

"Ownership of a copyright, or of any of the exclusive rights under a copyright, is distinct from ownership of any material object in which the work is embodied. Transfer of ownership of any material object, including the copy or phonorecord in which the work is first fixed, does not of itself convey any rights in the copyrighted work embodied in the object; nor, in the absence of an agreement, does transfer of ownership of a copyright or of any exclusive rights under a copyright convey property rights in any material object."

I am going to take offence today to have some clarifications. I have a bone to pick with them. Do i need a lawyer? Oh, by the way, that named person has a LLB from a local uni after her name. I'm sure she knows well in advance. Eh satu lagi, tengok Tiger Cup tak semalam? The Thai's scorer tu off side kan?

JD

Till we meet again in the next season! '..but i do feel i will miss you much, miss you much..' sob sob!

When she cries

I was watching people swinging in a pack LRT ride from Taman Melati to KL Sentral on Saturday (thanks for the invitation, again!) when a woman dressed in blue suddenly accosted me in a low voice. Her eyes filled with tears. "I have tried to make things work." She took another deep breathe to fought back the tears and looked through the window. "What i'm going to do?" she said in a meek voice and firmly wraped her arms around her torso.

I pity her so much but i was numb, i couldn't say a word. I hold her hand while she rested her head on my shoulder and begin to sob. "Sometimes its okay to give up, and let nature do it's own way." Shut up! With that sentence, she cried more. So, i let her cry and muted myself. Anyway, i dont know her, but i recognize the pain she suffered. She left with a smile, and i really hope that she'll be ok. This is for you, be strong!

Nonetheless, it's mak's birthday! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAK!

Four weddings and a funeral

I met a retired teacher Marie, who suffered from a fatal illness last year. She was a small figured lady with pale skin and wide smile. Aged almost 60. She smelled faintly sour, the way people on medication sometimes do. The doctor guessed she had 2 years left, but she knew it was less. On firm tenderly grip of our fingers, she asked; "tell me dear, what are you going to have in 5 years time, which i may not know." So, i told her about studies, big houses and cars, my own kindergarten and my beautiful raising children. Period. She smiled and said; "where's your husband?" Bingo!

To my just-married friends; Nadiah and Azizan, Aini and Rahmat, Sarah and Suffian, Siti and Zul, may the love that brought you together continue to blossom and flourish throughout your lives. And to you Marie, may you rest in peace.

Pardon me; I am sick!

I was sick last weekend. And am still not feeling well today. Neither climate changes nor tenses made me so. Cause is unknown. I have been sicker every week for the past few months.

God, i hate to be sick. I promptly spent one and half hour over the toilet. I woke up at 2am on and off puking and sleeping all night. So i went to the doctor on Sunday who took about 20 minutes checking here and there to tell me that i got Mr. Migraine, Ms. Gastritis and food poisoning of some sort. The doctor told me to take some serious rest for 2 days and then I should be ok for Wednesday. I am feeling only a small bit better, and I really dont expect it to get better. I am sick of my sicknesses. But anyone who isn't disturbed by the sickness that sickens them everytime they feel sick are sicker than me! Oh, by the way, thanks for Mr. Sony to entertain me while i was heavenly lying around doing nothing those MC days. Hmm, what happen to the prom? Mr. Sony?

A raya is

If i complete my duty to fast and pay zakat; i am just an ordinary muslim. If i decorate my house perfectly with beautiful curtains and strands of twinkling lights; i am just another decorator. If i slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of cookies and preparing gourment meals; i am just another cook. If i am contributing some money or clothes to the kids; i am just another philantrophist. So, on one dark, dreary and raining raya i asked my baby cousins about what a raya is.

"Raya tu bila kita pakai baju raya, makan kuih raya, dapat duit raya, pergi jalan raya.. itu la raya!" Aiyoh.. itu maciam pun bole ka? I need to be as simple as kids then!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA (yes, belated i know)

Kuih

Ada kuih bakar, tepung pelita, karipap, roti jala, kuih yang biji-biji warna merah dengan kelapa dan kuih yang entah aku pun tak tahu namanya. Ada jugak air minuman sejuk bermacam warna. Air kelapa, air soya, air tebu, air tembikai dan air warna biru itu air apa? Lauk pauk pun beraneka macam. Masakan ikan, ayam, daging; direndang, digulai, dipercik (yum..yum) dimasak itu ini. Sayur campur yang masak cuma 5 minit pun ada. Bulan puasa dah jadi pesta makan dan pesta makanan! Aku tak mahu kuih apa-apa. Tak mahu lauk apa-apa. Aku tak ingin apa-apa. Aku cuma nak makan dengan kamu. Aku nak kamu makan dengan aku. Sigh!

Mak, tengah masak apa tu?

Dont be messin' with ME

Tired and sick of working. Putting it simple, I have a VERY bad hair day. Hate it! Fortunately, there are still reasons for me staying here, (either than the fact that I'm bonded for that PTPTN stuff). Work is pretty easy as no one is breathing down my neck. So it’s kinda like heaven for lazy people. Don't get me wrong, I love work, but it has to be done systematically, the right personnel, the right way. I don't feel I owe anything to them after what they've put me through. I'd tried settling the loan funds; they insisted me to pay the entire amount or RM18K. I told myself to give it one more shot obviously I missed. I guess it's the only way or the highway.

Had a great time at kampung last weekend. Despite it, life is still lonely and seemed to be lacking in purpose. Can't seem to stay focus on anything I do. Perhaps it’s really a sign to strive forward instead of looking back in the past. I'm totally messed up; still not in one piece.