That is how it goes

Sitting on damp green grass, surrounded by loneliness, i am being tied in with a solitary apple tree on top of a windy hill. The branches are all covered with half ripe apples, half green and half yellow. I shelter myself under the apple tree from the soft gentle drizzles that slowly draw closer from above. I look over and i see white clouds floating like cotton wool on a blue sheet of cloth. Crossways in front of me from where i sit, the ocean sings a melodious rhythm continuously. My eyes are hook on the green leaves, trap on the branches and fruits, wet with rain. How long until the fruits turn red, ripe and ready to be pluck? Will my endurance last? How long will it be before i have to leave this apple tree with a basketful of delightful apples? Or will i go back empty handedly, out of my compassion not to hurt the branches nor the tree or simply myself. And will i pluck the right apple? I sit still.

Every week and every month, i missed you. I care for you. But i couldn’t say it, it seems to me it is not worth for you anymore. Not worth at all.

At this very moment i know, i am being bound to you. Forever.

Here and back again

Happy Hari Raya everyone!!

This is a quickie, just to announce my come back to the same old routine i attached and hated so much. So much that i could puke my brain out right now. In fact, there are just me and 2 other staffs working today, wonder why my superior was so kedekut to let me beraya a little longer. Here are some special events during hari raya;

1) I got myself 6 pieces of baju raya (including the one i wear today, and perhaps another one tomorrow). The biggest number i have ever had so far.

2) My dearest and most handsome abah paid my zakat this year, after letting me doing my own duty for 5 years straight.

3) After a small chat, a standard 2 boy suddenly asked me "engkau darjah berapa?" haha.. i could have been his mom! And surprisingly he believed me when i told him i am in standard 4! (is it too obvious i look that dumb?)

4) I texted someone "saya minta maaf atas apa pun silap saya, sama ada yang saya sedari atau tak, di depan atau di belakang awak, dengan atau tanpa niat. I never meant to hurt you" which at the end of the day, i don't really meant it!

5) I missed someone terribly. And to top that, i couldn't tell him so.

Look what life has done to me

Deep fried fish with 3 tastes sauce, butter prawns, spicy bamboo shout, baby kalian fried with salted fish, plain rice, chinese tea and star fruit juice. A cheerful boy in a dirty white t-shirt waving his parents from afar. A young gentleman next to our table keeps his eyes through the breached floor, daydreaming. The sound of the sea pounding in the air, smooth but intensely. A restaurant full of people, sit tightly around their table, immersing in a day hunger. Waiters holding full weight of supreme fare run from table to table unloading them. Raindrops, latent on my hands. A mom in red blouse turns her head away from her son, pretend to be scare while he playing ghost. The sun has merely far from sight. I am sitting at the centre of the world, letting the hidden part of my feelings glow into rays of unspeakable language on my smiling face. A well-behave man, sitting before me, looking restless and lost for words, smiling while gazing the dark sky.

Are you a segment of my dreams, or will you stay for me in reality?

Otanjou-bi omedetou gozaimasu!

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII

p/s; the sonnet is not address to anybody. Seriously.