Normal cycle

I got my menses back 3 weeks after the surgery whereas my gynae said that normally it would come back after 4-6 weeks. Oh, I mean after my evacuation of the uterus. Yes, after I had missed miscarriage. Yes, I was 8-9 weeks pregnant that time. Yes, I was very-very sad.

The miscarriage telltale will come later, now I just want to tell you my theory on why my menses came earlier than I thought.

My Beta-hCG test shown the result as 13675.5UI/L. It means that it was low and my body actually knew earlier that I wasn't pregnant anymore so it ready to start new cycle before the surgery. So, the cycle is as normal (4 weeks) by having miss calculated the actual day I wasn't pregnant anymore. Got it?

Our hero

This came from a silver medalist in Olympic 2012.

And he also wept.

What else do we Malaysian want?

He did us very proud.

Despite the injury he had, he fought well.

I cried; one for that sentimental thing call patriotic. Two to witness a true humble sportman feeling guilty for letting down millions hopes and not bringing back a gold medal to his homeland. Oh dear DLCW, how i hope you know that we care less about the gold medal, you already made us very proud. There's nothing to be sorry for. We are the one who should thank you loads.

I love this from a ESPN comentator: "Skills win you medals, but attitude wins hearts"

Not like any other day day

I cannot explain why I feel this way but every time I left my tot in the morning induces the feeling like suffocating. Thinking about how I won't be able to bounce her in my lap, kiss her cheeks, play with her, or sniff her hair fills me with total despair. I don't know why. I didn’t make any room for common sense.

It is so hard to leave my little tot at home every morning, and yet it is harder not to be working. I know that there are many working moms that feel this way, but why is it really so hard? I love to be back out in the workforce but waving goodbye and see her gloomy eyes really make me lose my thunder.

She is a very good girl – never throw tantrums when I left for work even that she is exactly like a walking tornado. Usually we will enjoy our little sweet moments together in the mornings; cuddling and exchange sticky and slobbery smooches. But this morning when my girl woke up and saw me all preppy to work she just went out the bedroom and straight to my mom in law. She knew it is time for me to leave her. She knew she would be left alone with my mom in law. She knew I would not be available for her for the rest of the day. She's rather independent and I know she will be just fine away from me for the day.

Today she is different. She walked away when I call her and refuse to be hugged. I knew she was sad so I took her in my arms and say sorry to her that I have to leave. I am so sorry that I am not the one who spend time with you; experiencing new things, playing new games. I am so sorry that I am unable to be there for you and I feel sad too. I promise you that we would have great time together when I am off work. Her face turned red and gloomy.

And this morning when waving goodbye at the door, she cried.

I know

Saya memang tak boleh tahan dengan orang yang cakap macam tahu segalanya. Dialah lebih tahu dari orang yang punya diri. Macam nak cakap 'I don't know' tu susah sangat. Ego. kalau saya cakap dengan dia, dia sajelah nak menang. Bertekak dengan dia memang tak guna, akhirnya saya cuma kata ok tapi dalam hati bentak-bentak geram.

Dia rasa dia macam orang besar dikalangan colleague. Bila bos bagi dia satu information dia rasa macam orang penting. Bila bos mintak dia buat sesuatu terus dia besar kepala. Tapi bila bos nak jumpa saya dia kata saya 'kipas-kipas' bos. Bila bos ajak lunch sama dia kata saya kesayangan bos. Saya volunteer untuk take over responsibilies orang lain lagilah saya dikutuk teruk.

Bila dia beritahu saya sesuatu lepas tu saya jawab 'i know' dia macam tak puas hati. Dia tanya saya bila saya tahu, dari mana saya tahu. Bila saya jawab 'i don't know' dia kata saya macam katak bawah tempurung la, tak peduli dunia la. Saya sakit kepala. Padahal saya tak suka nak peduli hal-hal politik pejabat. Saya tahu saya buat kerja sampai habis dan balik rumah. Bila boring atau ada masa senggang saya tengok youtube atau tanya khabar kawan.

Paling kelakar bila berbual dan termasuk pasal beranak. Dia cerita pasal beranak mengalahkan saya yang pernah beranak ni. Dia tak setuju epidural lah, dia rasa gynae saya tak baguslah. Pasal mendidik anak pula dia kata dia takkan bagi anak pakai pacifierlah, dia takkan bagi anak tengok tvlah. Bagi dia satu anak tengok. Bila ada anak ni memang banyak element surprisenya, tapi dia kata saya tak tetap pendirian.

Saya sentiasa bersabar dengan dia. Tak pernah cerita buruk-buruk pasal dia pada colleague lain sedangkan saya sedang genggam erat satu masalah dia yang dia ingat saya tak peduli. Tengoklah mungkin kalau masuk kali ke sepuluh dia tak datang office tanpa apply leave atau MC, saya akan mengadu mesti! Ini sudah kali ke enam dia MIA untuk tahun ni.

Saya memang tak tahan dengan kamu!

Fall in love again

I definitely miss him the most right now, sob sobs..
I fell in love with Melbourne in an instant.
Now still remember every bit of him.
(Him because it was named after Lord Melbourne)
I am so want to be one with him again.
Can I?